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Dimitry K., Esq.
Dimitry K., Esq., Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 37838
Experience:  I provide family and divorce law advice to my clients in my firm.
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My wife has just confessed to an extramarital affair with someone

Customer Question

My wife has just confessed to an extramarital affair with someone I considered a very close friend. He is an entertainer with a high public profile (in some circles).

Is there any legal action I can take against him? He lives in California, I live in Arizona. The sexual encounters took place in both states.

I realize there are no "alienation of affection" or "criminal conversation" laws in these two states. Is there any other legal recourse I can take? I'm undecided if I want to stay in the marriage. And my wife is willing to cooperate.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Dave Kennett replied 2 years ago.

Dear JACUSTOMER - The reason the alienation of affection laws have been revoked in all but a very few states is so that legal action cannot be taken against third parties and marital infidelity is simply an issue between the married parties. You can obviously not continue your friendship but legally there is no action you can take against him. Taking legal action against the other man isn't going to improve your marital relationship so there really is no advantage to you and the damage you suffered was ultimately caused by your wife assuming she consented to the affair.

You can expose him publicly if that will embarrass him but in today's morality I doubt anyone would care. The only person subject to legal action in this situation is your wife if you choose to file for divorce.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
You mentioned that I can expose him publicly if that will embarrass him. How can I do that legally?

This man is a so-called christian gospel singer who travels the country and internatilally giving christian concerts and preaching salvation - all based on his "conversion" to Christ. It's certainly possible some of the people booking him will care.

In additon, I'm certain his own wife will care. Would it be illegal for me to notify her of the affair if I can find contact information for her?

Expert:  Dave Kennett replied 2 years ago.
There is nothing illegal about telling anyone about the affair. He can't sue for slander or libel since truth is a complete defense but be careful so that your wife doesn't turn on you and deny the affair and leave you holding the bag. Make certain you have some independent proof such as something in writing from your wife. If you want to call the guy's wife that's not illegal or if you want to put an ad in the local paper that would be fine just so you don't say anything that is untrue and expose yourself to a lawsuit.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

The way I found out about the affair is my wife and I share a computer. One day she accidentally left her yahoo account signed on and left the machine running. I went to use the computer and one of his love letters to her was staring me in the face.

Since her eMail account was already logged on, (I didn’t hack into it), I found 18 months worth of letters back and forth between them. Including, detailed arrangements they made to meet in hotels, dinner reservations, pet names for their genitals, etc, etc.

In an effort to expose him publicly, what are my limits? For example, can I put up a webpage detailing his affair with my wife and then tweet the webpage address to everyone I know? I have over 10,000 twitter friends.

I also considered posting a comment on his YouTube videos exposing the affair along with a link back to webpage containing details of the affair.

Since I didn’t hack her account, and it’s a shared computer, can I post the contents of the letters on the Internet?

Expert:  Dave Kennett replied 2 years ago.
Legally you can do this since the other guy has no standing to challenge anything. It wasn't his email account however if you are planning on repairing your relationship with your wife it seems that this is not a good way to start. It is one thing to tell others about the affair and quite another to use your wife's emails to embarrass not only the lover but also your wife. You are the only one who can decide whether repairing your marriage or taking revenge against the other guy has the most importance in your life. I can only tell you that it is not illegal to tell or inform others of the affair. How you do it is up to you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
At the risk of being annoying I'd like to cover one more point that you didn't directly address from my last reply.

I mentioned that "I also considered posting a comment on his YouTube videos exposing the affair along with a link back to webpage containing details of the affair."

From a legal standpoint, would it be considered "cyber stalking" him to post comments on his YouTube page and linking those comments back to my "tell-all" webpage?

His videos invite comments from the public so once again, I'm not hacking anything. Here's a link to one of his video's so you can see for yourself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8oF2DM8BtA
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer. The expert abandoned the conversation. Had he followed up on my last point, I would have accepted the answer.
Expert:  Dimitry K., Esq. replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your post.

It appears that the expert simply logged off to get some rest (it is 1:18 am where he is located). We as experts are not on 24/7 and cannot always follow-up right away. If you wish I can contact him and have him respond in the morning, or if you feel that you issue is an emergency that requires additional information, I can try to assist. Please advise as to your wishes. Thank you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I'd like to address this right now if you don't mind closing this out. I didn't mean to be disrespectful to the previous expert, but we were so close to finishing I was suprised he logged off without saying anything.

I'd appreciate any help you can provide and I'll be happy to give you the fee when we're done.
Expert:  Dimitry K., Esq. replied 2 years ago.
Not a problem, I would be happy to help. The only reason I got involved is that I saw that you felt that you were somehow "abandoned", which was not the case at all. Mr. Kennett is a very experienced and a knowledgeable expert who generally does not work at night so late while I do.

Having said that...

I reviewed your conversation from the beginning. The only pitfall I can add before I get to your follow-up question is while I completely concur with the previous expert over the fact that he would have no grounds to sue for defamation, he may still have grounds for "invasion of privacy", specifically for "public disclosure of private facts". That is unlikely but possible--it involves public disclosure of private information (adultery) which would be objectionable to a reasonable person of ordinary sensibilities. Even a true statement may have liability, but this type of a suit is highly unlikely since by suing for invasion of privacy the other person is essentially admitting that the adultery took place.

In terms of posting comments on his videos, so long as you do not post after every comment that he makes, and the videos are public, there is no "cyber stalking" because you are posting your comments at an open site without responding to his statements.

Hope that helps.
Dimitry K., Esq., Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 37838
Experience: I provide family and divorce law advice to my clients in my firm.
Dimitry K., Esq. and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Mr. Esquire,

I think I messed up the timer on this question by clicking something I shouldn't have. Are you still intrested?
Expert:  Dimitry K., Esq. replied 2 years ago.
Sir,

I believe I answered your question above. Please let me know if you do not see the response, and I will repost it.

Take care!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I agree with you that a suit from him is unlikely since it would only draw more attention to his hypocrisy. I think we're done with this line of questioning.

If I need additional advice, can I address questions directly to you? I assume there will be additional fees.

Expert:  Dimitry K., Esq. replied 2 years ago.
Sure thing, simply start your questions "For Dimitry..." and I will respond once I am informed that you are seeking me out if you wish to get me directly. There may be a delay if I am not online, although I tend to be on fairly often. If you do post a new question, once you accept there may be additional fees unless you are a monthly subscription user--in that case the site permits you to ask questions which if you "accept" are paid for by the site.

Please be aware that while myself and the previous expert are both licensed and certified attorneys, we cannot dispense "legal advice"--what we provide is legal information that you can then utilize for your own needs to make your own decisions.

Good luck and take care! If satisfied, please do not forget to press "accept" as that is the only way I get compensated for my work.

Sincerely,

Dimitry, Esq.

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