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RayAnswers
RayAnswers, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 29221
Experience:  29 years as a family law lawyer .
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Hi, here is a synopsis...I am a 36 year old female educator.

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Hi, here is a synopsis...I am a 36 year old female educator. I have been married 12 years. We've recently had a baby. My in-laws (with who I do not get along with well) are trying to dictate what I do with my 8 1/2 month old, and my husband is determined to let them. From the turmoil and incidents that have currently taken place, I predict I am at the beginning stages of a separation/divorce and a child custody battle.
This will be lengthy, but I know you need to know these things to fully address my concerns. Here is some background information. My father-in-law was charged with self-defense manslaughter roughly 30 years ago and served about 18 months in prison. That is obviously on record. He is retired from a very small furniture company. His source of income is running an illegal "loan sharking" business based in one of his 12 rent houses. This is not on record, but 100% true. To my knowledge this house has been searched before when neighbors complained. However, they were looking for drugs thinking that was why there was so much traffic, and nothing was found. He says what I classify as inappropriate comments in front of children including my son and his 2 year old nephew such as...calling them names like "big ears", saying "he wanted to start a fight, but I wouldn't let him", and saying to him "don't look at me that way; I'm not a homosexual"; and he also kisses him in the mouth in which I don't see appropriate. He also has a caliber of people coming to his home and rent house that I wouldn't want my son to be around.
My mother-in-law is a beautician in her home. She has made comments to me like...(when I was in college) "Why don't you just get pregnant now and give me the baby and go back to college."; and "My son called my mother mama more than he did me growing up"; "I bought my boy some baby clothes" (referring to my son).
My in-laws own 12 rent houses (all paid for to my understanding), their own home (almost paid for valued at around $250,000), 4 vehicles (2 of which are considered almost new), and a camper all of which have been obtained in the past 10 or so years with the only source of income according to logistics is a beautician's income in her home.
My dad is a pastor. My mom is a 40 year retired daycare worker/previous owner. My mom keeps my son while I'm at work daily.
My husband works in the furniture industry. I bring home more money a month as an educator than he does. He is an only child, whereas I have 2 older brothers.
My husband and I have been together for about 20 years. It has been a bit of a rocky road most of the time with some smooth sailing mingled in...one time of which when I conceived my son. His parents have always catered to everyone of his wants. In the past, they have bought him a new car (before we were married). They have bought him a new seadoo (while we were married). They bought him a new bass boat for $27,000 about 7 years ago (against my wishes) and put it in my husband's name to cover their income tracks. He has given my husband "hot" items that his "customers" sometimes have stolen to give him to pay their debts. Things like this have occurred repeatedly over the years unnoticed by authorities.
I lost my first baby in 2009. My husband was kind and supportive. When I got pregnant the second time, he changed. My husband's verbal abuse began to escalate. He made my pregnancy miserable. He told me all the healthy things I did were stupid. He was never supportive, nurturing, or helpful during that time. I told him some of the things he was participating in would have to cease once the baby arrived like fishing, golfing, playing the Wii for hours upon hours with his dad online. So, he moved the Wii downstairs with a sofa, 50" plasma TV, and a fridge. He began hanging out down there and drinking. I hounded him for a while and even tried to tell him he had an hour a day to hang out down there, but once the baby came I had no time to try to reel him in. I gave up and put all my efforts into taking care of my baby. The first night we came home from the hospital is the only night my husband has been up with the baby, and we were both up all night. He changed 1 or 2 diapers that day, and that's it. He then began to pull away. He would get home from work and sometimes not even come upstairs. He would spend a maximum of 20 minutes a day upstairs with us (usually to eat) and retire downstairs again. He was drunk 6 of 7 days. He has driven multiple times drunk and just didn't get caught. In the past couple of weeks, he is still drinking, but has slowed down a little. I'm sure by the direction of his parents due to what has been happening.
My husband follows my son and I around cursing and ordering me around. He says his mom and dad will keep our son one day a week or he's "filing papers". Due to the past and present, I'm uncomfortable with them keeping him unsupervised.What do I do?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  RayAnswers replied 2 years ago.

RayAnswers :

Thanks for your question.

RayAnswers :

You may choose to leave here with your son.You may file for divorce and see if the court would award you the house if you want.

RayAnswers :

It sounds to me like your husband here has lost interest in you and the marriage and his child.

RayAnswers :

You may seek spousal and child support and custody in this situation in a divorce.You will need a lawyer to do so.

RayAnswers :

I woudl quietly go do a lawyer consult.Also if there are joint funds here you may want to take out your share while you can access them.

RayAnswers :

The NC Lawyer Referral Service is a nonprofit public service sponsored by the North Carolina Bar Association Foundation. While using the Service you can be confident that you’ll be referred to an attorney who is in good standing, able to answer your legal questions and if necessary will provide representation. WE DO NOT MAKE REFERRALS TO PRO BONO, OR FREE, ATTORNEYS. Legal Aid of NC provides assistance for some legal matters for qualified individuals.


Attorney’s participating in the LRS agree to charge no more than $50 (price increase effective for referrals made beginning January 2010) for the first 30 minutes of the initial consultation. The NC Lawyer Referral Service is available to you by telephone (Call Center) or online (NC Find-a-Lawyer).


By contacting the Call Center, you will speak with an LRS specialist who will interview you to determine what area of law best fits your situation. In counties where no LRS attorneys are present, LRS will attempt to locate attorneys in nearby counties.


If you choose to use NC Find-a-Lawyer, you will proceed step by step through a brief questionnaire (name, county, area of law) which initiates the referral process. NC Find-a-Lawyer is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week and referrals are not subject to any review by LRS staff members.


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RayAnswers :

Reference to property law

RayAnswers :

Property that is acquired during marriage by one or both spouses, and owned on the date of separation, may be defined as marital property subject to the equitable distribution law of North Carolina. Excluded, however, from the definition of marital property are gifts and inheritances, received by one spouse only, from third parties, whether such property is acquired during the marriage or not. Such gifts and inheritances are that spouse’s separate property and do not get divided with the other spouse. Gifts from one spouse to the other spouse during the marriage, on the other hand, are presumed to be gifts to the marital unit. Property owned by either party prior to marriage is that party’s separate property, provided that it is not gifted to the marital unit.


Equitable distribution law presumes, further, that an equal (50/50) division of the marital property will be equitable. Most judges in this state favor awarding each party fifty percent of the marital property, unless certain factors make a good case for an unequal distribution. Unequal distributions come in all percentages, from 51.2% / 48.8 % to 95% / 5%, for example. The standard court case, however, results in an even 50/50 split of the property. The typical negotiated settlement on marital property also tends to be quite close to a 50/50 division, unless the spouses can agree to a different allocation. In a negotiated settlement, any ratio is permitted. The real question is what percentages the parties can agree to.


“Property” includes both assets and debts. All assets and debts acquired during the marriage, and owned on the date of separation, are valued as of the date of separation in North Carolina for purposes of calculating the net value of the marital estate. If the net value of the marital property is $100,000, applying the 50/50 presumption leads to each spouse’s receiving property worth a total of $50,000. If, on the other hand, the marital property has a negative net value of, say, minus $20,000 because of large debts that outweigh the spouses’ positive assets, then applying the presumption leads to each spouse’s receiving property worth a total of negative $10,000.


There are a number of so-called “equitable distribution factors” in our equitable distribution statute that can justify a judge’s unequal (non-50/50) distribution of marital property. Such factors include one spouse’s health, income-earning potential, need to reside in the marital home with the children of the marriage, a spouse’s business or unvested pension interests, and similar economic factors. Fault is not relevant in an equitable distribution proceeding, except to the extent that marital misconduct has had an economic impact on the marital estate. Where the equitable distribution factors make it equitable for one spouse to receive more (or less) than 50% of the net marital estate, a court’s award would be unequal, that is other than 50/50. Because, however, the vast majority of cases lack facts that weigh in favor of an unequal distribution, many litigated cases and most equitable distribution cases that settle result in each partner’s receiving half of the property.

RayAnswers :

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Please be aware that my answer is not legal advice, it is merely information and no attorney client relationship has been formed. You should always contact a local attorney for legal advice.


 

Customer:

Ok, here are a few questions:

Customer:

First, I do not want my son around his dad unsupervised. My husband threatens daily to drop my child off over there or take him over there without me. If he does this, what can I do? What are my rights?

Customer:

I also would like to put a stop to the illegal activity happening. How can I do that? If I went to court, to your knowledge what kind of custody situation do you think would take place?

Customer:

Also, his parents go out and eat with us or visit once a week. Is that sufficient for grandparent rights? What are grandparent rights?

Customer:

Also, some days he says he will force me to put my son in daycare because it isn't fair my mom sees our son more than his. I've told him, I don't want to do that. That is ridiculous. Can he force me to do that?

Customer:

I am also a breastfeeding mom. How does that work with the custody issue as well?

RayAnswers :

First, I do not want my son around his dad unsupervised. My husband threatens daily to drop my child off over there or take him over there without me. If he does this, what can I do? What are my rights--you can take that up with the judge based on the facts you have.

RayAnswers :

I also would like to put a stop to the illegal activity happening. How can I do that? If I went to court, to your knowledge what kind of custody situation do you think would take place?I think the father will get some visitation here--young child so supervised here or at least for a few hours at the most since its baby and breastfed.

RayAnswers :

I do not believe the court would force a baby into child care if there are legitimate options elsewhere.

RayAnswers :

Likely the court awards joint legal here and you get primary physical custody and father gets some type of visitation to be determined by the court.This is likely to be less than overnight because baby is breastfed.thats actually a real factor for you in the divorce and visitation here.I do wish you the best with all of this.Take it one day at a time and keep your chin up.

Customer:

Thank you! I'm struggling. One last thing. If my husband takes my child over to his parents house without my permission/knowledge (which I know he has the right to do). Do I have the right to go pick the baby up even if my husband is there? Can he stop me? If he tries to stop me, do I have the authority to call the police?

Customer:

I hope you can answer my questions.

RayAnswers :

You have joint custody rights.That means you can go and try to pick up the child.I guess I am thinking the better plan here is to not let child out of your site until divorce has been filed.It is possible for him to decide not to return the child.You are sort of in legal no mans land without any custody and visitation orders.So it is a potential problem if you let him take child and they will not return it to you.

RayAnswers, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 29221
Experience: 29 years as a family law lawyer .
RayAnswers and 2 other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you

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