Hi, here is a synopsis...I am a 36 year old female educator. I have been married 12 years. We've recently had a baby. My in-laws (with who I do not get along with well) are trying to dictate what I do with my 8 1/2 month old, and my husband is determined to let them. From the turmoil and incidents that have currently taken place, I predict I am at the beginning stages of a separation/divorce and a child custody battle.
This will be lengthy, but I know you need to know these things to fully address my concerns. Here is some background information. My father-in-law was charged with self-defense manslaughter roughly 30 years ago and served about 18 months in prison. That is obviously on record. He is retired from a very small furniture company. His source of income is running an illegal "loan sharking" business based in one of his 12 rent houses. This is not on record, but 100% true. To my knowledge this house has been searched before when neighbors complained. However, they were looking for drugs thinking that was why there was so much traffic, and nothing was found. He says what I classify as inappropriate comments in front of children including my son and his 2 year old nephew such as...calling them names like "big ears", saying "he wanted to start a fight, but I wouldn't let him", and saying to him "don't look at me that way; I'm not a homosexual"; and he also kisses him in the mouth in which I don't see appropriate. He also has a caliber of people coming to his home and rent house that I wouldn't want my son to be around.
-in-law is a beautician in her home. She has made comments to me like...(when I was in college) "Why don't you just get pregnant now and give me the baby and go back to college."; and "My son called my mother mama more than he did me growing up"; "I bought my boy some baby clothes" (referring to my son).
My in-laws own 12 rent houses (all paid for to my understanding), their own home (almost paid for valued at around $250,000), 4 vehicles (2 of which are considered almost new), and a camper all of which have been obtained in the past 10 or so years with the only source of income according to logistics is a beautician's income in her home.
My dad is a pastor. My mom is a 40 year retired daycare worker/previous owner. My mom keeps my son while I'm at work daily.
My husband works in the furniture industry. I bring home more money a month as an educator than he does. He is an only child, whereas I have 2 older brothers.
My husband and I have been together for about 20 years. It has been a bit of a rocky road most of the time with some smooth sailing mingled in...one time of which when I conceived my son. His parents have always catered to everyone of his wants. In the past, they have bought him a new car (before we were married). They have bought him a new seadoo (while we were married). They bought him a new bass boat for $27,000 about 7 years ago (against my wishes) and put it in my husband's name to cover their income tracks. He has given my husband "hot" items that his "customers" sometimes have stolen to give him to pay their debts. Things like this have occurred repeatedly over the years unnoticed by authorities.
I lost my first baby in 2009. My husband was kind and supportive. When I got pregnant the second time, he changed. My husband's verbal abuse began to escalate. He made my pregnancy miserable. He told me all the healthy things I did were stupid. He was never supportive, nurturing, or helpful during that time. I told him some of the things he was participating in would have to cease once the baby arrived like fishing, golfing, playing the Wii for hours upon hours with his dad online. So, he moved the Wii downstairs with a sofa, 50" plasma TV, and a fridge. He began hanging out down there and drinking. I hounded him for a while and even tried to tell him he had an hour a day to hang out down there, but once the baby came I had no time to try to reel him in. I gave up and put all my efforts into taking care of my baby. The first night we came home from the hospital is the only night my husband has been up with the baby, and we were both up all night. He changed 1 or 2 diapers that day, and that's it. He then began to pull away. He would get home from work and sometimes not even come upstairs. He would spend a maximum of 20 minutes a day upstairs with us (usually to eat) and retire downstairs again. He was drunk 6 of 7 days. He has driven multiple times drunk and just didn't get caught. In the past couple of weeks, he is still drinking, but has slowed down a little. I'm sure by the direction of his parents due to what has been happening.
My husband follows my son and I around cursing and ordering me around. He says his mom and dad will keep our son one day a week or he's "filing papers". Due to the past and present, I'm uncomfortable with them keeping him unsupervised.What do I do?