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Attorney Wayne
Attorney Wayne, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
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Experience:  Practicing Law Since 2000
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Hello, My ex boyfriend and I both had private attorneys

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My ex boyfriend and I both had private attorneys and I got a rest order against him civally for hitting me and being abusive, and he got one against me right after he was served,and he got one against me for having called his phone and text him so much in a day. we both were granted our resttraining orders for 1 year and they both expired in june 2008.

Well, I started speaking to him about 8 months ago, and we have been on/off. But he started hitting me again and went to jail 3xs in a matter of 2 months for domestic violence. There is now a mandatory criminal " peaceful contact" order which the judge has issued against him, and he is on probation for next 3 yrs.

My problem is that I did text and call him repeatedly for several weeks,several times a day,maybe 40xs a day,but that all stopped as of 2 weeks ago. I have only text him one time in the last 2 weeks, and I should note, NONE OF MY TEXTS OR VOICEMAILS WERE EVER THREATENING TO HIM, THEY WERE ONLY ME EITHER CALLING HIM AN ASSHOLE LIAR,OR ME CRYING ON THE PHONE ABOUT HOW MUCH HE HAS HURT ME. WELL, now I guess someone has slashed 4 tires on his car, and he is blaming me, even though It really wasnt me,I am pretty sure its his ex girlfreind who has caught him cheating, but he is saying he going to get a restraining order against me

So my questions are:

1) is he likely to be granted a rest order even though it has been 2 weeks and I stopped calling and texting?

2)if he does get granted a rest order, will this show up in a background check when I go to apply for jobs? (its a civil rest order, not criminal,but will it show up?

3) what is my best course of action at this point?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Attorney Wayne replied 5 years ago.
Hello. Thanks for contacting us.

Wow. I truly feel your pain on this one. This kind of crazy love surely makes for great Hollywood movies, but is horrible to actually live through.

It is hard to evaluate on a publicly accessible legal information website the chance of getting a restraining order -- as such evaluations require a review of all facts, circumstances and documents. This can only be done confidentially by one's own lawyer acting under the protection of attorney client privilege.

That said, I can provide information of a more general sort here.

(1) Restraining orders can be either temporary or long term. Temporary ones can be issued quickly and on less evidence than longer term ones. A history of restraining orders can tilt a court toward issuing one anew. Also, when there is a pattern, a short break in the pattern may not matter. Its all in the packaging of the thing at court.

(2) As a restraining order is a public record, it may or may not show up in a background check. It really depends on the database used. If a potential employer only does a criminal check, then only crimes and, sometimes, arrests, will appear. But if someone does a more thorough check of public records, then its possible that it will show up.

(3) I'll break this down into subparts. But please understand that this information must, by the nature of the forum, be more general than specific to your case. As I said before, the best strategy can only arise in a confidential setting, protected by attorney client privilege, when discussing with one's own lawyer. This is not possible on a publicly accessible legal information service.

-- It may be possible to have one's own lawyer negotiate a voluntary agreement, in lieu of a restraining order, with the other side's lawyer that would essentially do the same thing as a restraining order without going to court. This would be treated like a contract and could be enforced in court should anyone violate the agreement. This would avoid the public record a restraining order would create.

-- Its possible to contest the requested order at court. Again, this is a legal matter that one's own lawyer is best placed to handle. Courts don't really like getting into the middle of a lover's spat. They recognize that passions involving love can sometimes escalate. Restraining orders are designed to keep the public peace and protect people from harm. They are not offensive weapons in crazy love. However, this argument must be carefully cast -- again best made by one's own lawyer.

-- As a non-legal matter, I am sure you've heard this from friends or family. It may be a good idea to get individual therapy or counseling. Crazy love can be so passionate that its intoxicating. But in quieter moments, like now, you can see how it can blind one to reality. A good therapist can do a lot more than the blunt instrument of restraining orders and police calls. Its better to fix the root causes than to simply put legal band aids on symptoms. The band aids fall off (as you yourself describe getting back together after violence).

If you are unable to afford your own lawyer, please let me know where in California you are located and I can provide information about free or reduced rate legal services that could be available to assist you on a confidential one-on-one basis.

I wish you speedy resolution of both the legal and interpersonal issues here.
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