Hi,
we are married, and i am 26, but our account isnt joint All moneys/assets accumulated during the marriage (including potentially any pension earned by her or accummulated by her) are generall MARITAL assets to be split.
i was just put on it later. So this does not much matter.
i would take the money out but i dont want my kid to starve since he is with her. She can work, and you CAN pay child support willingly without a court order.
as to my friends i dont really hang out with anyone This is big. And you can show that - they can attest to the fact that you changed the relationship once you found out you were to be a dad. Not that you ditched them, but you realized that you had chosen a new path, fatherhood, and since that was not a type of lifestyle they were yet inclined embrace, you all had little in common in terms of hobbies and activities. Your friendship was relegated to phone support.
really i talk to them on the phone and stuff, but after the baby i put my entire life aside to care for him. Awesome.
i love him more than anything in this world. I understand! I have 2 myself and it grows and grows. I am so happy you get to experience that. Is it not amazing how we just can't imagine how much we can feel before we have a child?
i have been loving and caring. she is the opposite she doesnt have any affection for me nor the baby, Why did you marry her?
and when she does which was rarely it was for breif moments. she was literally pshyco. she would be fine one minute and be screaming the next for no observably good reason. I wonder if she has people at her old job that could attest to her 'bipolar' and violent outbursts. Does she get treatment? Truly, she sounds diagnosable. Has she made any enemies you could befriend?
i am working on getting a job right now but the fact that i dont have a diploma is hurting me. I understand! May I suggest you combine getting your GED (if that is what you lack) WITH getting a job? Check out your internet opportunties. They now have public internet school for k-12 in many areas - AND GED:
http://nde.doe.nv.gov/GED_StudyForGEDTest.htm
And don't stop there! Internet college for an associates can be the most lucrative thing one can do - there is financial aid and you can take all your course work from you home computer. My husband, who never thoughts he'd ever get one semester of brick and mortar college completed (tried country college twice when he was 18 and then 22 (after Navy), and failed to show up after a few classes each time. Well, low and behold, he went BACK to school at 37 and while admittedly it is very timeconsuming - way more than my traditional schooling, 4 years at RU and 3 aw law school - in terms of mandatory interaction in your online live classes (kind of like a chat room as your professor talks), tons of papers, and mandatory discussion boards each week...He is now excelling... This was a guy who avoided school like a plague and thought he was stupid (now would I marry a stupid guy, I ask? no)...Now, likely because he IS older and not distracted by the youthful distractions we have in regular HS and college, and because he also realizes not doing it means a life of low wages, and no choice in profession - he is President's list more often than not. He is about 2/3 through his BS in Criminal Justice (yes, he wants to fulfill his boyhood dream of being a police officer...his is aged out of MANY states, however, but not all...but his credits thus far are already getting him the position of first pick by employers for jobs we was otherwise qualified for (not high paying) but when applying, he had no edge over other applicants. Now he has the edge. And when he finished the degree, he will now have a TON of other jobs he can apply for. But for online accredited Universities, I am fairly sure this never would have happened for him - between marriage, mortgage, my loans, 2 toddlers and an old job he hated, he'd have been stuck... Anyway, my point is, you are YOUNG enough to become anything you want, you can do it for your son and for yourself. And judge's love a parent showing that that are pulling themselves up by their bootstraps. You can get low income grants and the rest as loans (keep track of loans! I handled that part stupidly, ignorantly, should have worked WHILE going to school, but again, social distractions and a misguided notion of how we graduate and make huge money immediately, with no one setting me straight, caused me to pay the price on loans til I am 65 for so (literally)). But that need NOT happen to you. And, I am an e-mentor for highschool students in my state, and I myself have learned much from the program in terms of what certifications or degrees pay the most, relative to time investment. An associates in the right field can land you a $50k job upon graduation...2 years, that is all it takes. And your GED? You can get that tomorrow (not exactly, but practically!)
Are you getting visitation with your child since he has been gone?
i have an under the table job. This is NOT wise, if you can get an over the counter job (even in addition to), consider it! First, it gives you an employment record. Second, you start to accumulate Social Security credits. $5000/year (a little less) in tax paying $$ means you earn all 4 credits available in a year. This means you can later have retirement benefits, medicare, and disabilit benefits should you become disabled - can you tell I do a LOT of SS work? Please do it! Even if you wait tables (I did that for years and bartended - all in an honest days work to pay the bills while going to school and/ or starting my practice). Just be sure to report your income to the extent you can and pay the taxes. You kill 2 birds in one stone - you get a resume items AND you build credits (not to mention, you will probably then HONESTLY be able to show the judge you are busting your butt and make very little, so child support, should she get the child FOR NOW (which I hope not) you will not go bust on support payments. You can tell the judge you are evading taxes (duh) and he will impute minimum wage to you most likely and you will be unable to pay, lost your license, have judgments against you, bad credit and NO ONE will then hire you.
no one can help me with money Get the job, GED, etc. my mom did what she could and i sold everything just to get the papers filed. my friends are selfish as most people are Lose the friends, make new ones. Get active in your community. Please believe me when I say you have the right and opportunity to take life by the *****s. If I could go back to age 26, I would do it SO differently. I would run my life not let life run me. You have far more control than you think. When we keep trying (while educating ourselves, which is SO easy to do from home now!), and we fail the first 9 times but then then succeed on try 10, guess what? We succeeded, we WON. We did it. Don't stop trying. There was a time that I did.... and I was miserable... And then I Didn't... Not sure how that happened, but it may have coincided, strangely, with when I finally cold turkey kicked the smoking habit - sounds strange, but it was empowering, because I knew how hard it was (after years of trying) and it WAS hard, but cold turkey... and then I just started doing more things outside my comfort zone that were positive. I even joined a Search and Rescue group - that was WAY outside my normal scope. That is also about when I started working nights and weekend, on top of my day endeavors to build a practice when coming from no money (poor girl becomes lawyer), in fact negative money due to $1200/mo school loans (I went to school when interest rates were through the roof)... I did 80+ hours/ week for about a year, became a zombie, and cut it down to 60+. Got everything under control, including loans, saved for a low down payment on a house, met my husband FROM my bartending job...got married 3 years after this change up to a man I actually decided and knew was a good partner (as opposed to the nitwits I associate with prior) and while it continues to be WORK, it is all for US, our kids, our futures and I don't look back, except to say, thank goodness I started controlling my life, rather than let life's twists (and the many takers out there we MUST avoid) dictate where I go. This is all true and true of all of us, including you.
its just human nature to care about your own priorities more than others, You can put yourself first while NOT hurting others. Please know that. I know exactly how you feel. And I am telling you that you must take care of yourself to move forward and to take care of your child BEST - but you need not hurt others or be non-generous with others. You do not have to be the greedy, selfish one - you can give back, once you get solid footing, even while still working to get where you need to be.
which i have never understood i am very selfless. You sound like the giver in life, been there, and there are many takers out there. I learned this when I was a eyar or two older than you - strangely, I worked at my LAST firm, and was arguing with a doctor's receptionist on how I could not sign my clients release from promising to pay the doctor bill from his case proceeds if he won... (many lawyers do this, and I think it is both unethical, likely illegal, and likely not binding)...but that I would urge my client to sign it...anyway, she started asking me some real estate litigation questions (not my forte, but I'm not completely ignorant on the subject), as she was being sued by her realtor for a commission on a sale of a house, and she was pro se, having no money to hire an attorney. I spent 2 hours (firm time unbeknownst to the firm) talking to her. I emailed her redacted forms I had for her Answer, Defenses, counterclaim, etc.... 8 months later I get an envelope in the mail with $150 of gift certificates (forget the store) with a thank you for helping her, no questions asked...she won her case, Judge spanked the realtor...and she was still in shock that a lawyer just did it, off the cuff, and helped her, without cost.... Well, suffice it to say, we ended up doing lunch one day, I later did her wills (for reasonable pay this time) and while haven't spoken to her in several years, it will never surprse me if she calls out emails out of the blue. She since moved far away, down south I think.... Anyway, being kind, being generous, pays off..... Just don't be stupid about it or at the expense of your minimal needs...
i put up with my wife ordering me around, and treating me like a slave. I understand. 2 years from now or less you will be so glad you decided to put yourself in this "uncomfort zone" and take this risk...which I don't disagree with by the way. Getting your life happy and secure and self-sufficient is the best thing for you AND your son!
the night we seperated was because she flat out told me to make her dinner i didnt like how she said it I understand. Your day job was child care, likely more difficult then HER day job - yet she comes home and doesn't think it is a partnership where you both do the 'night work'?
so i said no and she said thats your job so just do it and quit being lazy. she would belittle me all day everyday. when i found out she cheated she told me that she didnt even wanna be with me before she got pregnant, which was a month after we married. Listen, marrying here was a huge mistake, obviously. BUT, you have a precious son you adore, so it was worth it. Now, fortunately, you are ending it AND you will do whatever it takes, legally, to remain the father your son needs, and hopefully the custodian.
anyway im getting off topic. Me too, but I feel for you here and you need to know that you have such great opportunity ahead. Grab it!
i looked her attorneys reviews up and they all say he is horrible that he will take your money and forget about the case. Excellent! He is unethical and lazy.
dont know how much of that i should beleive. True, most divorce attorneys are hated, for those of us that care, it is demoralizing, but such is life.
but trust me if i could get a job Why can't you get a tax paying job? Restaurant, retail, construction, TEMP AGENCIES are GREAT. Remember, if someone pays you under the table, you report it on your taxes! They can't stop you from properly reporting it and you do not need a 1099. I get income all the time from non-1099 sources and guess what? It goes into the business account and I report it. You can have a home office, consider yourself 'self-employed', do your schedule C, write of X% of home expenses (utilities, rent, etc), work related mileage, including traveling from home to job site...It is fantastic!
and an attorney i would, I know, I wish I could help here, but information is all I can provide. How are you paying your rent with witchy gone? What about you and your mom joining forces? You may have a built in family day care, even if you work at night and mom works days, etc.
i have been trying for several months. spousal support is probably out of the question since for one we were only married 2 years, Yes, that could be.
and two she has the baby. That is not a bar, but the short duration is, plus, you are not disabled.
she has not yet payed her attorney, i plan on grilling him today and finding out what i can since i am a master at telling when someone lies. Just don't believe him!
i can read body language and such very well. i have several appointments with attorneys this week. i was thinking about looking for a litigation attorney instead of family law so that maybe they would do it for free to gain extra experience in a different form of law, would that be a good idea? Let me know if you succeed. Believe me, family law attorneys ARE litigation attorneys - it just means you litigate whatever area you are in and are not afraid to TRY a case if you don't get the settlement you want - you NEED a custody attorney AND an attorney brave enough to try the case rather than roll over when the other side digs in its heals.
Listen, you can do ALL of the above. You can, you can, you can. I know first hand, and second hand... Believe it.
And feel free to follow up if you care to.