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mkc1959
mkc1959, Family Law Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 519
Experience:  Practicing attorney with 26 years of experience.
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I am a father of Three children 14, 12, 10 my youngest is special

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I am a father of Three children 14, 12, 10 my youngest is special needs. My wife and mother to the three children was a great mom and wife. She is a brittle diabetic and is on an insulane pump pretty much 24/7. We believe (her family & mine) last fall October she had a nervous break down, a total personality change. her father even pointed out "it seems like she just goes into a trance." She filed for a divorce on Dec13, 2010. Right before Christmas?
She has involed herself with another man & is pregnant. She lived in our home until the first week of April but would disappear often leaving the children in my care. even left Christmas Day the children beg her to stay. she left anyway.
I believe she has left our home and moved in with her parents to establish visitations that she wants Every Tues Thurs & every other weekend I want every other weekend but i willing to give her Thurs not tues my lawyer is causing me to comply with these visitations yet no temporary or perminant custody has been established. Why do I or should I go along with it. The children do not have beds to sleep in at there grandparents. I just don't think this the best for the children. Is my lawyer advising me right? do I have other choices. I've tried to get my wife to stay with the children in our home and I would stay with my parents. she agreed but has yet to do it.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  mkc1959 replied 3 years ago.

mkc1959 :

Generally speaking, a proper enironment for children requires each child to have a bed, or at least if a bed is shared that it be by sisters or by brothers. Where there is no bed for the children, then this generally is not considered a proper environment. This may be a little different depending on which state you are in. The 10 year old has "special needs." If the grandparents home is not set up to deal with the "special needs" then that is also a situation of "neglect" by the children's mother.

mkc1959 :

Generally a person wants to be in court having done their best to cooperate with the other spouse in the "best interests of the children." When it comes to custody, the "best interests of the children" is all the Court is really interested in.

mkc1959 :

Strictly speaking from a legal standpoint, if there are no court orders in place, then you have equal rights to custody of the children as does their mother. This means that neither of you has to let the other take the children. So, in many cases, the problem is that if there is no mutual agreement, then for example your wife could just decide to keep the children and not let them return to you until there is a court order. Attorneys are aware of this and do not want that to happen because of the length of time it could take to get control of the situation without court orders already in place.

mkc1959 :

On the other hand if you, for example, decide not to let the mother have visitation then that is a concern when, and if, a court hearing is scheduled.

Customer:

The grand parents agreed and see that the children aren't getting good sleep so they convinced my wife to stay with the children at our home. but she hasn't complied this week her parents where outof town so they had beds.

Customer:

So is these arrangments cause the courts to keep them

mkc1959 :

Generally letting kids stay in their familiar surroundings is a good idea. You should discuss this with your attorney and have the offer set out in writing so that the Court can know. If it is just verbal with the children's mother, then she could deny you ever made the offer.

mkc1959 :

I did not quite understand your question about the "courts to keep them."

Customer:

my two oldest children have stated that they want to live with me. I am concerned that my wife is unstable has made expressions of suicide in the past year. she use to be on anti depressants. I love my wife and have great concern for her but I feel i need to protect the children

Customer:

I am concerned that my wife has moved in with her parents as to establish visitations before she moves in with the man who is the faterh of her unborn child. so if ther is something in place then the courts would make it perminet arrangements thenshe can move out of her parents to be with her boyfriend

Customer:

then dragging the children along with her

mkc1959 :

At all steps, the Court will only look at the best interests of the children. Courts can only make decisions based on what evidence is presented in Court. So, when a parent is or has become unstable, then the other parent many times has to do as you have suggested -- become the advocate for the children. This means that you need to work with your attorney to put together the best evidence of your wife's situation. The attorney may want to hire an investigator, or interview people who know her, or her parents, etc. to see who will testify to protect the children. If someone is aware of her suicidal thoughts or actions, if any, then you need to let your attorney know of that person.

mkc1959 :

Another step sometimes taken before any court orders are in place might be to see if someone would "supervise" the visitations with the children. Maybe a mother or other family member, ifa any, could stay at the house during the visitations.

Customer:

Ok Thank you: you have givin me alot to think about. Have a great day!

mkc1959, Family Law Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 519
Experience: Practicing attorney with 26 years of experience.
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mkc1959
mkc1959
Family Lawyer
519 Satisfied Customers
Practicing attorney with 26 years of experience.