I'm a licensed family law attorney and I believe I can provide assistance. However, before proceeding, I need a few things clarified:
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Sorry for the delay, I was off-line for awhile. At any rate, I'll be back with you in just a bit to address your questions.
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You may be able to file for divorce in either state. However, it appears NY would be better for you as it's clear that NY has jurisdiction over your husband whereas NC may not be able to exercise jurisdiction over him. Additionally, NC requires a one-year separation agreement whereas NY permits divorce filing right away.
As to NY, it recently passed a no-fault law. However, it appears you can meet several of the fault requirements as they include abandonment, cruel treatment and the irreparable breakdown of the marriage.
Your original question was very broad, please let me know if there is anything more specific that you need.
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If you purchased the home with completely separate funds and utilized it as your home (not a marital residence) after the separation, then you have a compelling argument that this property is your separate property.
I'm sure you understand that ANY property accumulated after the date of marriage can be considered marital in nature and then subject to equitable distribution. However, with these facts, you should certainly be able to keep this property as your own.
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