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So you are not divorced?
Then you need to file for a divorce or legal separation. You may have to pay a spousal support award, even if temporarily. If she is totally disabled and unable to work, then your support would be reduced depending on whatever SSID she is getting.
However, if she has an "earning capacity" that can be considered, the support to her could be made temporary. So you should consider consulting with a local family law attorney who can evaluate everything for you.
I guess by your response, the guy that tries to do the right thing is screwed. Nothing legally I can do, because I chose to take care of someone 1,600 miles away? Nice guys always finish last.
You are still married. As such, you are responsible. Now, you can stop paying except for your son and then she will file for divorce. But having a court decide is the only way. It really has nothing to do with being a nice guy. You are the spouse who has been the sole supporter of the family.