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AlexiaEsq., Managing Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 13266
Experience:  19+ Years of Legal Practice in Family law matters.
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Hi Im trying to find out if i ex can get custody of my son

Customer Question

Hi I'm trying to find out if i ex can get custody of my son he hasnt seen my son at all and hes almost 2 and now my husband whos been raising my son since he was 2 monthes old got deployed to afganistan and my ex filed papers for full custody of my son can he do this
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  AlexiaEsq. replied 6 years ago.

Dear alaska,


Thank you for your question and I look forward to working on your answer. Also, it is important to know that I can only respond to your post and the information contained in it, as I do not know what you know, unless you describe it fully. Also, because you are at this site, you are asking me the question because you want the legal facts, as I see them, even if unfavorable to your situation from a legal perspective. Also, due to site tech reasons, oftentimes I am initially only able to see the first part of your post, so I apologize in advance if I ask a redundant question.


That being said, if you would like me to work on an answer for you, and in order to better assist you, could you please clarify for me, in numbered answers if I ask more than one question:


1. Is there a current custody order? If so, out of what state? What does it say,specifically?


2. Has your ex been paying child support?


3. Why hasn't the biological father seen the child for 2 years?


I look forward to getting to work on this for you. Hang in there!





S. Joy, Legal Expert


Please note: I do not provide legal advice, only legal information; I do not legally represent any JA members, visitors or customers. We do not and will not enjoy an attorney/client relationship. Further communication with me here is an acceptance of this and any information provided by me is with the understanding that you comprehend this and agree.


At times there can be a delay of an hour or more in between my answers because I may be helping other customers or taking a break. In addition, if it is late at night, EST, and we are between postings, I may go get some shut eye, but I'll be back the next day, so never fear.


Customer: replied 6 years ago.
No order yet but he filed the papers yesteday and i just recieved when yesterday..he hasnt paid child support at all he never really asked about him until it old his parents about him...according to him i never allowed him to see our son but he never wanted to he was busy traveling the world and what not and now hes married to some person so im not sure why hes trying to do this now but the papers said he filed for sole custody and basicly stating im an unfit mother because im 19 with 3 kids under the age of 5 and i have no job and the reason for that is because im married to a soldier and i dont need a job i have 3 kids to raise
Expert:  AlexiaEsq. replied 6 years ago.

Hi again,


OK, I will presume, although you didn't state, that he has not paid for child support. You need to properly oppose his Motion for Custody and in doing so, file (together with) a Cross Motion (sometimes called a Cross Petition) for Custody and Child support. Support your request for official child support on the basis that it is in the best interest of the child to continue to be raised by the mother that has always raised, not the father who has never asked to see him and never sought to financial support the child. Indicate he is telling falsehoods in that you never deprived him of visitation - more accuratesly, he never called to seek same, ever. He just disappeared (if true) after you told him you were pregnant or whatever the case may be. You met your husband when the child was X months old and he has been a wonderful father figure and your child is a very happy child, surrounded by loving mother and stepdad and 2 other siblings with whom he is very close. Explain that you have a nice house and appropriate number of bedrooms, that the pre school your child go to and you little one will be attending next here is superb (if accurate); explain how the neighborhood is nice, etc. Explain that it is the decision of you and your husband to have you stay home and raise the children while he works, until the kids are all of school age, at which time you plan on using their school hours for getting into the workforce yourself. It would likely be inordinately helpful if you were using these years now to prepare for a better future, such as educating yourself, getting your degree (did you know you can get it online? it is hard work, but you can do it in the evenings, etc. Kaplan Univ., Phoenix ,etc.). It is helpful to show that you are setting a great example for your children so they will grow up to be independant and self-sufficient, things that you are striving for yourself despite the different path your life has taken.


You can win this if you put forth all these great reasons why custody is best with you, not the least of which is the fact that the child knows only you. Be sure to avoid saying the father should not have visitation - that will never fly. Only that it should start out slow and easy for the child to be comfortable, and work its way up to something standard overtime, like every other weekend.


Good luck.





S. Joy, Legal Expert




Customer: replied 6 years ago.
oh yeah this is in the state of california...not sure how these laws work here do you?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
also he is not living in california he lives in conneticut so i dont know how hed get visitation or will they let him take my son?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
also he is not on my son birth certificate
Expert:  AlexiaEsq. replied 6 years ago.

Yes, I provided you insight as a person dealing with your problem IN California.


California has jurisdiction of your child, since that is his home state. Case must be filed in CA.


Since he is not on the BC and you were not married, you need to require that he prove paternity, which means he can get a DNA test.


Visitation will have to encompass the long distance. Usually a parent will have to fly with the child to see the other - given your babies tender years, I would urge that the father needs to fly out to visit him for the first few years.





S. Joy, Legal Expert




Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Can they stop my from leaving the state of california? seeing that my husband is in the military we wouldnt have much of a choice to go where they put us
Expert:  AlexiaEsq. replied 6 years ago.

If there is a current case pending, yes, you can't move the child out of the state at this point without permission from the court - however, you may tell the court that due to the military nature of your family, you need an Order allowing moves out of the state when it he is stationed elsewhere. Let the court know that you will keep the dad apprised of any pending moves as soon as they are firm. Since the father is all the way in CT, any visitation would be long distance anyway, so it wouldn't appear that your moves would change the much, and you would of course be willing to do all necessary to facilitate the visitation with the bio father.



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I believe I have answered your question and I hope you a better understanding of your legal issue as a result. As you know, I am only the messenger, not your attorney, nor can I create favorable law if it doesn't exist, so please don't hold it against me if the legal result is not what you wish. ACCEPTING the Answer a so ensures I will be able to assist your with your future legal question. In addition, Positive "FEEDBACK" and BONUSES are also appreciated. If you would like my assistance in the future, just put my name, STEPHANIE JOY, in your title or first sentence of a new post. Please keep in mind that I can only respond to your post and the information contained in it, as I do not know what you know unless you describe it fully. Also, due to site tech reasons, oftentimes I am initially only able to see the first part of your post, so I apologize in advance if it means more interactions between us. At times, there can also be a delay of an hour or more in between my answers because I may be helping other customers or taking a break, or if it is late at night, I may have to go get some shut eye til morning, but rest assured, I'll be back for you. Thanks





S. Joy, Legal Expert