Unfortunately, the help for you here is going to be very limited because the courts have never ordered the reduction and the arrears just kept building and without the court order I am afraid that you are going to end up having to get an order for a payment plan on the arrears. This does mean you are going to need an attorney and the attorney is going to have to file a motion in the court to seek the waiver or reduction of arrears and it is going to take all of your tax forms to prove to the court that the support order was improper. You cannot do this through the child support agency, it is going to require you having an attorney and you are going to have to fight in court over this unless your ex is willing to forgive some or all of the arrears.
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