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Hi and thanks for your question.
First, you are not required to have an attorney representing you in obtaining a divorce -- you can do it yourself. In fact, Utah has a program where if you have less than 6 children and you and your husband's combined monthly income is less than $10,100, then you can use the court assistance program to help you with your divorce.
Here is the court website link -- scroll down a bit and click on "Court Assistance Program" - this should be very helpful to you.
Second, your husband doesn't have to agree to divorce you for you to get a divorce. You can file all of the paperwork to get the process started and if he doesn't participate in the process or show up to court, then he could be found in default by the courts and you would still be granted a divorce.
With respect to your child, your history should be irrelevant unless your husband can somehow use it against you in your present situation (for example, if he were going to argue that you use drugs now, then he has a better chance of being able to use your past against you to support his claim that you are using now). Since you have been sober for 5 years, have a steady job and are a good mom now, then that's what the court should focus on in deciding custody of your daughter.
Your sexual orientation, OCD and depression should have nothing to do with the court's decision on custody, so long as it doesn't affect your daughter's safety, well-being or best interest. If your sexual orientation, OCD or depression are somehow harmful to your daughter, then that may be relevant, but from your post above, it doesn't sound like this is the case. If he were to argue this was the case, then you would have a strong argument that if his allegations were true, if he's so concerned about your daughter's safety now all of a sudden, then why would he have let you be alone with and care for her at any time? It sounds like you were sober for at least 2 years before your daughter was born, so you would have a strong argument that this has never affected your daughter.
I hope that this answers your question; if so, please click Accept. Thanks very much and I wish you the best here.
The Utah court is supposed to consider what would be in the best interest of the child in determining custody. The Utah rule about whether a parent's sexual acitivities would affect custody is laid out in a case called Tucker v. Tucker, where the court said
"Utah courts have previously noted that a custodial parent's censurable extra-marital sexual activities do not in and of themselves make him or her an unfit and improper person to have custody. The parent's activities must be shown to run contrary to the child's best interests. . . . [T]he trial court must link the parent's extra-marital activity with a resulting inability to function adequately as the custodial parent and meet the child's needs. "
So, your new relationship would not mean you are unfit or improper to have custody UNLESS it is shown to be somehow contrary to your child's best interest by resulting in your inability to adequately function as a parent and meet your cihld's needs.
The fact that you are employed outside of the home would not be a reason for the court to deny you custody -- you are correct that being able to support yourself and your daughter is a good thing. The fact that he is being fully supported by his parents would be a negative in his column, not a positive. If he can't support even himself then how can he support his child?
I hope that this helps.
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