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What is proper telephone etiquette? When I call my mother

 

Customer Question

What is proper telephone etiquette? When I call my mother in law, after I say who I am and ask how she is doing, she never asks back, never says glad to hear from you, merely goes "uh-huh" in other words, what do you want? It bothers me enough I avoid calling. How should I handle it?

Submitted: 379 days and 12 hours ago.
Category: Etiquette
Value: $16
Status: CLOSED
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Expert:  sheilaetiquette replied379 days and 11 hours ago.

Hi, My name is XXXXX XXXXX X am your Etiquette Expert. Thanks very much for your question. I can understand why this frustrates you. With respect to your question I would strongly suggest that you do not stop calling your mother in law. This won't solve the problem. There may be many factors affecting her behavior such as how long you have know her, how she regards XXXXX XXXXX as her daughter in law, other things going on in her life that may be worrying her and how she reacts to you in person vs. on the phone and whether these are different. Regardless of these factors I feel it makes sense for you to persist and see what you can do to engage her into respond to your questions and become more conversational. I would suggest approaching this as follows:

- When you call her have a series of questions ready to ask her in particular see if you can have some questions relating to things you know she likes to do or people she has seen etc.
- Consider having some questions - not about her - but areas that you might ask for her advice about. This may send a clear message that you are not just inquiring about her, but actively seeing her advice about a matter that concerns you.
- Ask your questions and ask her for advice gently - be prepared for it to take several calls to break through.
- Once you do break through I would use an opportunity where you get together in person to thank her for the advice she gives you to your questions and use that to build and reinforce the intensity and frequency of the conversation. If possible do this when you are in the presence of others in your family - it is much harder not to answer when others are part of the conversation.
Same is trues if you can have any of your phone calls on a speaker phone so that others in your family can also join in and she will be more compelled to respond. As I mentioned before this might take some time so be patient but persistent. Good luck with this. if you have any related follow up questions I would be happy to answer them.
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