My niece, age 29, is getting married. My three children grew up with her, she has gone on vacation with us, and been very close to them. Fifteen years ago at age 14 she was in my wedding along with her siblings , ranging at the time from 5 to 14. My kids are 9,11 and 13. She has decided to not have any children at the dinner/music reception. Cost is not an issue. apparently she is afraid too many young mothers will bring toddlers, her soon to be sister in law will bring unruly preschoolers. So all children are excluded. This presents a little bit of a problem because we have to travel,get hotel rooms, buy nice clothes, etc. to sit through a 20 minute ceremony. Then my children have to go back to the hotel and they have arranged a "sitter", my kids are not looking forward to it. Should I decline the invitation for the three children to attend the ceremony so they can just stay at home and avoid the cost and being left out. Is it appropriate for her under these circumstances to leave out my children?
Hi, My name is XXXXX XXXXX X am your Etiquette Expert. Thanks for your question. I can understand your concern. I think you have laid out the choices pretty well. Decline and stay at home or attend and accommodate her request for no children. Unless you feel that declining is likely to provoke a change of her decision I would tend to avoid that option as it may lead a bigger relationship issue that I sense you are trying to avoid given your history. Having said that I would talk to her and outline the two choices and at least let her know that this is making things difficult for you and I am sure other invited guests. You might also suggest that she accommodate children over a certain age as a compromise that way the likelihood is that your children will be older and can attend. It may take a while for her to change her mind or modify her position - so proceed with booking travel and hotel and making arrangements to look after the children in the event that nothing changes. If she does change her mind then you can easily modify part of the arrangements you are making to let your children attend. Good luck with this. if you have any related follow up questions please let me know.sheilaetiquette41033.6434704514
Hi, I wanted to check and see if you had any questions about my response.ThanksSheila