Hi, My name is XXXXX XXXXX X am your Etiquette Expert. I do think that your assumption that Joe's daughter was letting you know what the ex-wife was planning is correct. When there are divorced parents involved the seating arrangements need to be carefully planned and any ushers need to be instructed upfront as to the arrangements. Ideally if the parties all get along there is no reason why everyone cannot sit together. if the relationship is not good then this is where careful planning needs to happen. From what you said in your other post this relates to a wedding? If this is the case then the normal etiquette is well defined as follows: When divorced parents sit separately, and using the bride’s parents as an example, her mother (and stepfather, if Mom has remarried) sits in the front row. Members of her mother’s immediate family—the bride’s grandparents, any siblings who are not’t attendants, and aunts, uncles, and their spouses—sit immediately behind in the next one or two rows. The bride’s father, after escorting his daughter up the aisle and presenting her to the groom, sits in the next row behind the bride’s mother’s family—usually the third or fourth—with his wife and their family members. This protocol is followed even if the bride’s father is hosting the wedding. When the groom’s parents are divorced, they’re seated in the same manner. So back to you question about who decides. My guidance is that it should be a collective decision based on the guidelines above. If your situation is not wedding related please let me know and I will provide additional responses. Good luck with this. Sheila. Thanks.41008.8577389699