we have received a wedding invitation from my neice.The invitation is to me my wife and my son. My wife's children have been excluded. We live together as a family unit. My wife feels very upset at the exclusion and no longer feels part of the extended family. My son is also very upset as his step brother and sister have been excluded. I am also hurt by thisMy wife and son feel unable to accept the invitation due to the perceived snub.Please advise
websites. Judgement of peers at work who feel my neice has committed a faux pas
Hi, My name is XXXXX XXXXX X am your Etiquette Expert.Thank-you for your question and I completely understand how hurtful this feels and divisive. While I do not know why your niece did this I share your view that this is both unacceptable and unfortunate. Before declining the invitation my suggestion is to call or better still meet in person with your niece. Use the call or meeting to explain how hurtful you found her invitation but also ask her why she made the invitation that way. If there is a reason you may not agree that it is valid but at least you will understand it. Explain to her that in its current form you will be unable to accept the invitation for the reasons you will have explained to her. Ask her to modify the invitation and allow her a few days to reflect and to call you with her decision.If after the agreed time has elapsed and if she makes no change to the invitation then take a few more days to reflect with your family then decline the invitation. Hopefully you will uncover that this was a genuine mistake and it can be easily corrected. But if not then you have tried to understand and resolve it.Good luck with this. If you have any related follow up questions then I would be happy to answer them for you.
Thank you for your replyI have mentioned it to my niece who said space was an issue and as she hardly knows her step cousins my niece sought advice from her mother (my sister)My sister holds the view that as my niece is paying for the wedding she can invite who she likes!We are minded not to accept the invitation.The difficulty is my mother.My mother wishes to go, yet finds herself in middle of family dispute. The only way my mother can go is if one of my immediate family takes her.Please further advise.Please can I have a little more "theoretical guidance" on wedding invitation etiquette. Particularly around step relatives that live in same house as a family unit.I will then gladly click "accept answer"
Hi, thanks for your followup reply - happy to respond.There is no doubt in my mind that step relatives should be invited along with non step relatives in the same family unit.In this case your niece does have the right to invite who she wishes - however, her decision - as I have mentioned before - is unfortunate and very divisive to the entire family and the impact will last well after the wedding has taken place.Seems there is only two outcomes to this: 1. Your niece changes her mind and invites your complete family or 2. that you decide not to go and it sounds like your mother may not be able to go if you are unwilling to take her.GIven that your sister was asked for her input prior to the original decision being made I would ask your sister if she would be willing to ask your niece to change her mind. My strong advice is to go above and beyond to try to avoid the 2nd outcome above. If you take the 1st approach and your niece is unwilling to change her mind then you and your family are entirely right to decide whether to go or not and I can completely understand if you do not.I understand how difficult this is so I hope that my reply helps you clarify the approach you should consider taking.I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX your niece changes her mind - it would be the right thing to do and would certainly avoid a family dispute from developing.Thank-you for letting me assist you with this.
Certified Etiquette Trainer.
Thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to answer your question. If you have any additional questions I'd be honored to answer them for you.To request me put "For SheilaEtiquette" at the beginning of your question.Respectfully, Sheila