Estate Law Questions? Ask an Estate Lawyer.
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You can't do anything with those forms unless the children cooperate. What you have to do is serve them with the papers and then if they don't file an answer or enter an appearance you just proceed forward and ask the court to do what you want done. By them not filing anything after being served it is essentially as if they are saying "we don't care what you do".
You have to make a "diligent search" to locate them and after you have done so and are prepared to explain that search to the judge, you can then ask the judge for substituted service such as posting in the newspaper or by serving someone else who knows where they are located.
The pleading to get substituted service is a Motion for Substituted Service.
I'm not sure what you mean by " what form would I file with the courts to ask the court to do what I want done" since a probate requires a variety of different pleadings and filings and the exact ones depend on the specific facts and circumstances. To start the proceeding you file an Application for Probate.
You would seriously want to consider hiring a lawyer for this. Probate law is both antiquated and procedurally difficult and often makes no sense. In addition, you can be held personally responsible if you make any mistakes that interferes with someone else's rights. For instance, if you fail to notify a creditor properly and they aren't able to collect on a debt, whether you know of the debt or not, you can be personally responsible for the debt.
The attorney will usually require that they be paid at least a portion of the fee up front but you can be reimbursed for that by the assets of the estate.