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I work for an national corporation, and have been employed with them for almost 17 months. I have several product managers throughout the country. One of them took an interest in me at a training session, later made sexual remarks over the phone and flirted, and pursued me when we were at common meetings throughout the country. I did not reciprocate until we had talked for quite some time (6 months) and only after I was convinced he was not married or living with someone. Colleagues told me he was divorced and had dated another woman who worked for the same industry. When I inquired, he told me he was no longer dating her. He pursued me and we met when we could since he has children and we both have very busy jobs. We had much in common and had fun. About 9 months in, I discovered he was in fact living with the woman he claimed to be not seeing at all after I contacted her through social media because I was having some doubts about statements he would make regarding her, and she claimed they had been living together with his two children and her three children for almost 1.5 years. He lied about me to her (I know because he said he was going to so she would stop the smear campaign she was running about him to his family and friends) and they are still together. He confided and told me he had been having an affair with her while he was married, and they both decided to leave their spouses. When she moved in with him, she turned out to be quite volatile and had a violent background that he was unaware of until he had committed by letting her move in with him. He also confided this, and said she no longer works. My concern is this. I have two annual meetings a year. I benefit from going because it is a way to learn more about products and applications, attend meetings, and take classes. I was informed that he has brought her before to meetings as a guest. He confided after I made the discovery that she is volatile, confrontational, and WAS taking a mood stabilizer. This woman obviously believes the lies he told her about me to accomplish whatever goal he was trying to accomplish. We are most likely going to cross paths at this meeting, and I actually fear for my physical safety if we should meet in the hotel, outside the meeting, etc. I am less worried about her undermining me to my colleagues compared to the possible physical danger. He and I are no longer in contact because after he told her lies about me, he said he was going to try to work things out with her. Recently, I asked him for reassurance that there would be no confrontations, etc if we should cross paths at the meeting, and I have received no reply. Because I have no assurance, I am anxious and ready to cancel my registration for the meeting. I need to go because my boss expects me to and it will help me gain more skill in my profession. How should I proceed? Should I not attend because there is a chance of confrontation? Should I go and risk it? Should I take any precautionary measures? Is it OK that I am in this situation due to the deliberate deceit and lack of integrity of another? I am pretty angry about being deceived to the point that I subsequently made bad choices because of the lies and ended up in a common Jerry Springer type scenario, but that is water under the bridge. My concern is for the future. Thanks
Thank you for your question. Please permit me to assist you with your concerns.I am genuinely sorry to hear that you are in this situation. However please allow me to provide you with one potential 'food for thought'--the only person that has told you that this person is volatile and angry is the same person who misled you and others. How can you be sure that what he said is true especially if there is no evidence the other way. In terms of undermining you to others, so long as she says the truth, it is not actionable, but if she does provide untrue information, you would have a basis for defamation. My concern is that it is potentially a situation where this person told you one version of the facts, and similarly did the same to the other person. Therefore there is as yet no direct evidence that what he stated to either of you is actually true. I cannot tell you whether or not you should go, but what I can state is that there is no evidence that what he stated to anyone is actually accurate.Hope that helps.
I replied to you via the wrong method....the same way I asked the initial question. Sorry. How can I remedy this?
You are most welcome, truly!That is definitely a bit different then. The concern here is that since she has never threatened you personally or in any way attempted to contact you, you as yet have no basis or right to seek any sort of a restraining order or other protection. There is no inherent threat other than from the words of one person. I cannot tell you if this will affect your professional reputation, but it might be wise to let the employer know of this situation, explain the potential drama, and request help. It is not ideal but it may also place the employer on notice and then provide you with additional assistance.Good luck.
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