1) If they have not ruled in 30-60 days you are entitled to demand a written decision. After that you would be entitled to an appeal through them in writing. This is why I stated getting your own attorney would be beneficial because generally once you have an attorney involved and writing letters on your behalf they will stop playing their games.
2) A claim should not take more than 90 days total, but as I said and as you have experienced, these companies seem to drag things out when they know you are not disabled.
3) I am not aware of any law prohibiting both of you from collecting SSDI if you and her are indeed disabled.
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