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CounselorJules
CounselorJules, Counselor
Category: Dream Interpretation
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Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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My boyfriend of 17 years died on 18th of August 2016 at

Customer Question

My boyfriend of 17 years died on 18th of August 2016 at 16h00. I dream about him as if he is still alive. In one dream I even asked him I thought he was dead but I am relieved that he is still alive. He said he wanted to surprise me that is why he did not tell me before he arrived. His sister agreed that he was never dead.
JA: Oh I love this topic. Did you know I used to be a dream interpretation expert? Yes, but now I have to hand you off to one of the new and better trained ones. You will undoubtedly enjoy this. Is there anything else the Dream Analyst should be aware of?
Customer: I want to believe that what we shared was true love.
Submitted: 5 months ago.
Category: Dream Interpretation
Expert:  CounselorJules replied 5 months ago.

Hi,I'm Jules, a LPC,I am reviewing your question now, and will post back with your thorough reply briefly :)

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 5 months ago.

First, I offer my condolences for your loss. I know it is not easy to deal with the unexpected loss of someone. The grief process is different for each person, but it generally goes through five stages, but not necessarily in order. Understanding the grief cycle may offer insight in relation to why you may have had the dream that you did. Typically five stages of grief are discussed. They are not "linear" and I really don't feel that you really every "complete" the grief cycle. I have heard that "grief comes in waves." When I think about grief, I think of walking along an ocean, in the sand basically. Sometimes the sand is dry when you take your steps, but underneath the surface, especially if you dig your toes in, you see that there is always a bit of dampness. The feelings are always there-- and it seems that many times are dreams seem to manifest during times of anxiety or transition..... The five stages most often processed are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Sometimes acceptance is confused as "moving on" or suggesting that you are "okay with the loss." However, what acceptance refers to is understanding that there is a "new normal." So, let us look at some symbolism in your dream that may reflect part of your grieving but also provide a bit more insight and even comfort for you during this time.

Okay, so here we go with your interpretation.

I feel that it is important that I share a bit with you about the theory that I most like to refer to, but also the theorist so that you understand the perspective that i work from. I tend to rely on symbolism of the dreams and focus on what your personal emotional response is to the dreams. i rely on a Jungian perspective for the significance. "According to Jung, dreams are a way of communicating and acquainting yourself with the unconscious. Dreams are not attempts to conceal your true feelings from the waking mind, but rather they are a window to your unconscious. They serve to guide the waking self to achieve wholeness and offer a solution to a problem you are facing in your waking life." "Some researchers believe that dreams help you to tackle stress. Dreaming is a necessity and helps to recharge the mind and revitalize the body. In dreams, negative emotions tend to occur twice as often as pleasant feelings. Fear and anxiety are the most commonly expressed emotions in dreams, followed by anger and sadness." Jung also believed that you can interpret your own dreams by focusing on the emotional response and looking for correlations. It is also believed that you can interpret your own dreams with the correct tools. I do encourage you to look at purchasing a dream dictionary. I have several at home, but there are also great internet resources. One thing to consider about your dreams, is that they often occur more vividly or frequently while you are processing a change or transition. We will look at your symbolism and then determine how it fits best for you. You will know how it is applicable, but i hope that I can provide you with the symbolism and you can look for the themes that fit your personal situation.

This dream may also be a way for you to resolve your feelings with those who have passed on. If you dream of someone who has recently passed away, then it means that their death is still freshly in your mind. You are still trying to grasp the notion that he is really gone. To see and talk with your deceased boyfriend in your dream is a way of keeping him alive. It is also a way of coping with the loss. You are using your dream as a last opportunity to say your final good-byes to them.

To see your deceased partner indicates that you miss them and are trying to relive your old experiences you had with them. In trying to keep up with the pace of your daily waking life, your dreams may serve as your only outlet in coping and coming to terms with the loss of a loved one. Dreaming of a deceased person who passes away again in your dream means that you wished they were still around to experience and share certain aspects of your life with you, especially here at the holidays. Such dreams are more likely to occur during happy times or during important milestones in your life. You likely have this bond with his sister who struggles with accepting the loss as well.

I do want to share some comforting books, resources with you that can help you deal with the loss. Remember to be patient with yourself. Cry when you need to, laugh when you want to without guilt, experience life and know that it is okay to do that....

"Another Door Opens" by Jeffrey Wands

"Awakenings from the Light" by Nancy Rynes

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm

I hope that this has been helpful and that you will provide a positive rating (3 stars or better) for the answer or interpretation that you have received. You can do this by clicking on the rating button and providing a score. The communication does not have to cease if you provide a rating, but it is the only way that the experts receive credit. My goal is to provide with you excellent service. I wish you the best and if you need further clarification, please feel free to ask more questions. I can also send more specific resources if necessary for you! Thank you! Jules

Expert:  CounselorJules replied 5 months ago.

I just wanted to check in with you and ask if you found satisfaction in the answer. Please let me know how you feel.

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