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Dream Symbolist
Dream Symbolist, Dream Expert
Category: Dream Interpretation
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Experience:  14 yrs. exp. Spiritual Consult. Jr Midwife. Dream Expert
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I felt as if the whole reply to her message was about me ..

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I felt as if the whole reply to her message was about me .. I had a dream my ex boyfriend and best were about to go on a date but once I found out I literally felt as if it was real so I got so upset in this dream I beat my best friend up and called him all in one dream .. To give you some details about my boyfriend and I .. I left him alone once again because I'm just not happy anymore I felt as if he didn't value me .. I would so little special things for him because I'm kind affectionate well am affection when we are together but I also loves my space I love being able to hang out with my girls some days and spend time with him on some I mean we lived together so I saw her pretty much every day .. Problem is he's very insecure.. And I'm not I won't look for bad things him on the other hand always think I'm up to something .. He knows my schedule he knows where I'm at pretty much all the time .. Cause my schedule is pretty much the same unless I'm hanging out with my girls .. I love little gifts and hugs and kisses and he just wasn't that affectionate .. But once I told him about it he tried but I was a little tired at that point .. I know in my heart he loves me and I still kinda feel bad for calling it off .. He tried to get back with me but o just can't cause I don't wanna feel abandoned again
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Dream Interpretation
Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 9 months ago.

It sounds like both you and your bf are very distressed when the other person chooses to do their own thing, and at least YOU try to protect yourself from feeling left-out by pushing your boyfriend away. It's normal to be upset when your partner goes away. But you could both make it easier to cope with emotionally if you would tell your partner when you're either wanting to do something that doesn't involve your partner OR just feeling like you need to get some time to yourself (where you're not concerned about making sure your partner's feeling good about you and about what's happening at the moment). It CAN HURT to be told your partner wants to be away from you: You know that yourself. But if you telegraph him or he telegraphs you IN ADVANCE, and you also say "I'm sure I'll want to be with you again (around Thursday, late tonight, in 2 or 3 days)(Sometimes you actually can't set a clear deadline for when you'll be together again, because you would then feel that obligation to follow thru, which is part of what you're trying to let loose in order to feel your freedom to be a solo-bird.)

Bot***** *****ne: It hurts to know your partner doesn't want to be with you sometimes, even though you also don't want to be with him sometimes. So one of the hard things to do in a love relationship is to develop a handful of "procedures" for easing the transition from together to apart--when you want to accept & reduce the hurt/rejection feelings--and the transition from apart to together--when you want to help each other to experience the joyful reunion feelings at about the same time, BECAUSE IT HURTS too IF YOU'RE EXCITED to see him again AND HE'S NOT EXCITED, because he's distracted (by something else going on for him) or feeling guilty about not being excited (because something else is going on in his mind&heart). So it's a big learning curve to get good at juggling these excitement, joyful and embarrassed/disappointed/guilty feelings, while understanding that both of you will have them at different times and will either hide them or be overwhelmed by them. It can be just as awkward to have a reunion with mismatchd feelings in those moments as it is to push each other away with a sudden "goodbye."

For example, when YOU enter a dwelling with noise that he hears, "Hi honey, I'm home" sounds a bell that gives him a very short time to switch his attention and try to reform his mood so that he and you can both have a joyful reunion: That means he experiences an obligation, unless he's SO distracted that he doesn't realize his second-2-second behavior will have somewhat unpredictable impact on you.

What you wrote about affection & little gifts represents a specific "love language" that you've learned, while he learned something different. So his looks unexpressive to you and yours might be uncomfortable for him--esp if affection & gifts were non acceptable in his family of origin. Sometimes new lovers have to teach each other gradually how to express loving in ways that are easily received. Especially if they're both so young (twenties) that they've had many more years exposed to their family's love-expressive styles than to any romantic relationship.

I'll discuss more if you want. As a marriage therapist in a 30 year marriage, I've had a chance to learn several "love languages" (there's a book by that name too, and an online self-test). And the moment-2-moment progress of human emotions within each of us is my specialty.

I also wrote my 2nd doctoral dissertation on the lovelives of adult children of divorce. So if either of you have divorced parents, or your opposite sex parent is difficult for you, or your mother is difficult--I've dealt with dozens to hundreds of people with similar challenges. So ask me whatever you want.

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