Where is your life going now, compared to the various stages of your education. Do you have any sense of what segment of YOUR school experience this dream Setting might reflect? (as in elementary, Jr Hi, High school, College, etc--or equivalents in a non-American system). Do you have a sense of who WAS KILLED? and why you were not affected? (Dreams don't need to be realistic, so they can accurately present their message by altering everyday reality to fit.)
It sounds possible that your dreams are suggesting that there is something you could/should have achieved for your personality development in some phase of your growth, but it didn't happen--perhaps as a challenge NOT taken. A precise description of the nature of the gory killing--especially as unrealistic/cinematic as it may have presented in your dream, could provide the clues to what this message is about: because a shocking impact like that is clearly CONTRARY TO EVERYDAY FACT, and hence a key to the most important (SHOCKING) NEW NEWS in your dream.
So please be as complete as you can in describing the gory killing, even if much of it is impressionistic/expressionistic or surreal ARTWORK.
And the less dramatic scenes or moments are also important, as background for the big splashes of the two scenes you've barely mentioned. Dreams are ARTWORKS emerging from your unconscious mind. So every detail is needed to enable your artwork to be fully appreciated (just like van Gogh's Sunflowers).
I can't do any interpreting this late tonight. I will ask some questions to zero in for interpretation.
1. how old are you NOW? 2. And are you focused on photography as career?
3. Are you finished with all levels of schooling?
4. How are the dream scenes Similar to and DIFFERENT from your waking life now? 5. What recent event(s) or thought(s) might have triggered these dreams? 6. What important changes are going on in your life now? 7. what parts of your life may bring you together with "models" and with young children now?
8. Did you see anyone who could have been doing the killing? or did you just know or sense/dread that there was significant ("gory") killing about to happen, or happening (offstage?) 9. Did it seem necessary for the success of your videography for the gory killing to be successful? 10. Wa it at all clear what level of educational institution was the setting for the videography/first dream?
It's all right if you can't specify much about some of these answers, because vagueness in dreams is just as valuable as precision, when you know which is which.
11. How did your action of driving the young children back to the elementary school transition into you receiving an award that you didn't believed you had earned?
No you are not being charged extra. If you don't mind I would like to give my interpretation as well. Feel free to continue on with Dr.Norman Brown if my interpretation does not fit with you.
Now that you are coming off of Benzodiazapam and cannabis you will start to receive more dreams. You will start to encounter personal problems that you will have to kill off in order to move on in your life otherwise you will continually have the urge to use marijuana or drugs to cover the pain. Weed and prescription drugs have a great effect of "covering" up any emotional or personal problems that have not been dealt with and will resurface once the drug or marijuana is out of your system.
School is representing a place of learning in one's life. This killing can be representing parts of your life or parts of you that you are scared to have "killed off" . This process will be hard to go through emotionally. Since they were a group of photographers and videographers it can mean you are taking something out of the picture or taking something into perspective in your life. With you exiting through the 2 doors can be showing how you are making a decision in your life about what personal choices to make. The mother of the model that is going to be killed first is representing putting to death old ways of your life. This is what needs to happen first in order to move on in your current life. With you going back to elementary is showing you are going through a re learning process in life. It was your old school, meaning your old ways of doing things you are working through. With you receiving the award you felt you did not deserve. Is it possible in real life you feel that when you achieved success was when you became a lawyer? Now that you are unemployed, you are starting to feel as though your life is undeserving? Or perhaps you feel that you were never meant to become a lawyer to begin with and can not live up to the standards of this job? I feel that you are going to move on in your life and achieve success once you find where you are meant to be. Where you are currently in life is only temporary. It does not have to stay this way. You can make dramatic changes and overcome the obstacles standing in your way. After going through a new learning process you will be able to grab hold of what you have passion for and you will be able to incorporate that into your work. Keep working on yourself and you will indeed find your way.
I'm sorry that Mrs. Sandman felt the need to take advantage of the questions I asked, but she has interpreted much of what you answered in exemplary ways. Some of her statements may be a little off from the precise details of your dream, and there is a little more I have to add.
As usual when I get enough dream material to read through, "a little to add" becomes a lot. And at least one more short round of questions can take us even farther.
The major thrust of Mrs. Sandman's interpretation is quite valuable, that you are "re-viewing" your life (thru the videotaping venture at your schooling) and noticing how many of your earlier learnings/experiences have (already) been eliminated. Your age of 29 is very significant, because you are on the threshold of graduating from experimental adulthood (your 20s) into "committed adulthood" and that means you need to figure out what is worth your ongoing commitment, by evaluating the results of your experiments with adult activities up to now. (When I was 29 I lost my job as a full-time professor of German and Humanities, lost my girlfriend, and got a chance to study myself psychologically and find out if I might prefer being a psychotherapist to being a professor of external arts & letters, as productions of human nature--So I went back to grad school in psychology, and it has turned out that I did both for the rest of my work-career. People who aren't married are likely to start thinking about marriage @ 29, and if they're married they might get divorced in order to commit more to their career and/or a different sort of partnerhip.) Czech genius Franz Kafka wrote The Trial @ 29, about a bank employee that was accused of a crime (in the attic of his dreams) of an unknown sort--because he didn't know what he was NOT yet doing with his life. Your dream places the crime(s) in your immediate past, yet situates them in your schooling: So perhaps your education has taken you in a direction that's not quite right for your soul's progress in this lifetime.
The timing of the killing in your dream doesn't appear to be pointing towards future psychological work you need to do on yourself, of "killing off old parts" but rather towards parts of yourself that you have LOST (perhaps that were pruned away by your more recent experiences as a young lawyer).
That brings up the mother of one of your models. Did it seem like that model was her son, or daughter? or was that just too vague for any sense at all? Did she seem like anyone you could compare her to? If you picture the old lady in your mind's eye now, how do you feel? (warm & trusting, repulsed, horrified, angry at her, or at her killer(s), etc?)
Now that I've reread your answers to my questions, I associate your explicit dream-ego statement "I don't want to be here and don't want to do this" most immediately to your DishWashingJob. That might more distantly refer to doubting whether you want to be a lawyer (at least the kind of lawyer you were), but it's more immediately obvious that you don't want to be a dishwasher who's realizing ("re-viewing") the extent of your losses of aspects of yourself that you developed through schooling. To explore if both are true, I ask this: Who's had the most influence on your choice and direction of career? What aspects of your prior work as a lawyer have awakened passionate feelings and/or the greatest satisfaction in your experience?
Your reaction to your own dream-realization is to leave the school scene where the models are being killed: Models are artificially posed versions of yourself--pictures you (or the other people on your team) have invented to make a movie about. So your dream-directer might be hinting that this is an artificial version of your life story--what you've imagined, or even what other people in your family&friends have imagined FOR you. THIS has been slaughtered by the harsh realities of the Malaysian economy (or more individual dynamics) at present.
So, as Mrs. Sandman has also written, you have the opportunity to revise the dream-movie of your life. Which you set out to begin by returning to elementary school and resuming your brotherly-warmth with other boys. The consequence of this exploratory choice is to glimpse the number 4: Where 4 is the symbol of the wholeness of your human nature--body, mind, emotions and spirit. It's not a state where we can dwell, but a signpost that inspires us to seek whatever we need at this moment to fill in what is missing. Like the light of divine inspiration towards which we instinctively move when we feel it.
So was there any sort of "award" or triumph that you experienced in your early schooling that you DID receive but DIDN'T deserve? Or that you DID deserve but (an)other boy(s) didn't like? Has there been any tension in your life between your own special abilities or unique passions/inspiration and the comradeship you want to feel with other males?
There might be some clues that point towards the way forward in your present unemployment-trap to be found in the personality of the old lady who was the first to be killed in the second killing, and in the elementary&lawschool award that your dream-ego feels you don't deserve but your real-life-association connects with another student's negativity. This reversal of real life in your dream needs careful examination.
I hope you don't mind if exploring these aspects turns up more surprising insight than you expected.
The removal of dampening forces from the benzos and marijuana allows your passions to emerge and be counted.