I wrote quite a it about this dream when it first came my way, and I don't see any of that here. You might have all of it, but I don't So I'm going to paste it in again, and then add some more ABOUT THE PEOPLE AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN.
22 Dec 2015, 1:31 AM
Me: Well, new love is an antidote for loneliness. Walking uphill is the thing you're each doing with your life--symbolic of moving on in search of some ambitious goal. Michael's was supposed to be recovering from drugs, but he needs something he can believe in and strive towards to put in place of the immediate gratification of drugs (meth simulates a fervent striving for something). What is YOUR motivating belief for upward-striving?
25 Dec 2015, 10:19 PM
Me: It appears that you don't know what you are motivated tostrive for. Perhaps your life has an existential crisis that is similar to his.If I recall correctly, he is faced with the need to climb out of the trap he dug for himself with meth, and he has some religious faith to act as a safe-place and source of goals and means of reaching them.
But you don't have a religious set of goals and means to give your life meaning. You were reminded of higher goals thru your intimacy with M, and now you don't share a love that would (temporarily) give you reason to live and grow. You cried out to God, and this dream might be a clear response to your call: The images in your dream suggest that you thought you were headed up a spiritual path in partnership with him (and it feels good tobe pursuing spiritual goals as a couple; it WORKS as a meaningful life-path). You projected and discovered this image of life as a couple into your dream,even though much of your relationship-time was spent denying that this was really what you wanted this relationship to be. He might have felt this power motivating you and been scared of it, because he was wrestling with meth.
25 Dec 2015, 10:46 PM
Me: My laptop is losing paragraphs. So I have to quit, takecare of daughter's needs and then come back on my desktop.
25 Dec 2015, 11:04 PM
Customer: I believe you're pretty spot on. My goal is to figure out who I really am or want to be/ my purpose for even being on this earth and it set me on a spiritual path towards restoring my faith back in God.Often I feel tired of all the pettiness and selfishness that takes place and makes me feel like I lose sense of myself like I just want to give up on people. M felt like my biggest disappointment because I never gave him a reason to treat me like he did (which was basically trying to make me feel bad about myself). So I'm happy this is done and over with. The dream was just so curious and the feeling of it wasn't a bad feeling. It was calm and sort of like feelings of when we first started liking each other. Typically I get dreams of anxiousness or distance with him in it.
26 Dec 2015, 2:12 AM
Me: You just responded while I was back trying to carry my thoughts further. So here's where I was:
I wasn't assuming that you aren't religious, but just that doing some work for a church is not the path for you, at least not at this point in your life. You need to find your path of heart & meaning in the world around you--and it is possible that the day-job that seemed good enough to you before you got emotionally involved with M is now NOT meaningful enough,and some connection to higher purpose is needed. I don't remember your age; but if you are somewhere near 30, it may be time for you to seek out and commit yourself to work, lifestyle and/or relationship(s) that have deeper and more lasting meaning for you.
Being in love and yearning for a future as a couple is a powerful source of meaning. So now that you know he wasn't the shining star ofa partner that your heart was seeking, you're faced with finding that star within yourself..
I'd ask yourself "Where do I find God--or feel like I'm carrying out Godly work--in my daily life? When do I feel generous or appreciate the world and people and creatures around me?"
What Michael was (your big disappointment) is not as important now as what you imagined in him: that companion -- or even the masculine half of yourself -- that could keep you company on your way up the mountain for your spiritual pilgrimage in the world. When you can't project your ideal masculine side onto a beloved man, you get a chance to experience your courage, assertiveness and creativity inside of yourself. Perhaps some lesson from M's containment in a religious community would help you discover ways to experience generosity and benevolence; or pursuing your own hopes,dreams and creativity would ignite your transformation--
Me Another way to interpret the Dark&Cloudy EndTimes climate--given your calm feeling, and ending sense that he'll be there if you want him--is that this is the image of the End Times of your relationship. In realistic terms, you can guess that if you DO call on Michael now, he might well respond in a "friendly" way. But you're more likely to start up a messy mixture of hopes, disappointments and trickyfeelings than to get what you can imagine you want. Your dream shows what you want in a partner, not what the real Michael is. I wonder if your awakening to your yearning for a real spiritual partner has been so difficult because you have denied your desire for that for too long up until now?
THE PEOPLE AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN are all standing in line, waiting for something. That's a group religion, a "follow the leader" path that's not leading them anywhere. Your partner M may need that group; but in your dream-eyes it's just like standing in line for a show, a movie or a ride at Disney-World. YOUR spiritual path is THE SEARCH, not trying to parallel what M's doing, and not standing in line at the end of the search, where nothing spiritual or lightgiving is actually happening. Not for you. You need to go alone: that's the Hero's Journey. That leads onward to your next dream.