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Mrs.SandMan
Mrs.SandMan, Consultant
Category: Dream Interpretation
Satisfied Customers: 1245
Experience:  Spiritual Scholar of dreaming last 5 years.
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I am having horrible nightmares about my deceased husband

Customer Question

I am having horrible nightmares about my deceased husband and I wake up very upset and feel very sad the next day. The dreams are basically all the same; i.e., he does not want contact with me, he's leaving me, has a girlfriend, is drunk or falling asleep and won't listen to what I am trying to tell him, etc. We had a very good marriage and also communicated very well. We were each other's best friend. What do you think? Thank you.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Dream Interpretation
Expert:  Mrs.SandMan replied 1 year ago.

Hello, Thank you for sharing your nightmares. I am sorry to hear about your deep loss of your husband who you were best friends with. The loss of this size is a very very hard thing to go through. These nightmares I think are showing the relationship that you now have with your "deceased" husband, versus your "live" husband. The exact opposite then when he was here on earth.

May I ask how long it has been since he died? When you respond I will continue my interpretation. Thank you.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It has been 4 and 1/2 years since he passed away and I am still having a very difficult time with it.
Expert:  Mrs.SandMan replied 1 year ago.

Thank you and that is completely understandable and normal.

You husband in real life would have never done any of the things he is doing in your nightmares right?

Your husband still loves you from beyond, there is no question of that. He is not here anymore but still exists, just not on earth. This is what you are not used to and are learning how to live without him, even though your emotions do not want to learn this and are fighting the loss and the change.

There is wonderful news for you in this tragedy believe it or not. Some day you will be with him again, and in the meantime you can use dreams to communicate and to have time with him.

First you will need to start with your emotional wounds, start mending, healing and soothing that deep pain.

There are many different ways of doing this, prayer life is very important here as you can be directed to exactly what will need to be done, there is also therapy, best friend relationships, writing a journal, etc...Every person is different and you know yourself best, ***** ***** will know what feels right to you on how to do zero in on the healing. I personally rely on prayer to guide me and to show me where to go, what to do, and it never fails.

Once you start this or continue on with this, as you may have already have started this process (may just be stuck), then you will begin your new relationship with your husband. You can still talk to him, you can write to him, and when you go to sleep you can set the stage for a pleasant dream where he can visit and it will be a wonderful experience and not a nightmare anymore.

These dreams will leave you emotional for days, but is in a good way, not what you are encountering now with the nightmare residues.

Understand that the new relationship cannot begin until there has been enough healing on your part, and this does not mean for you to rush it or for you to feel guilty or inadequate, it is time to love yourself, and come to acceptance. This is what you husband would want and does want, because then he can reach out to you and it can be a pleasurable experience and your love can flow both ways as before.

You end is just plugged up right now, he is free and wants more then ever to you know hes here, just in a different realm, LOVES you, and it is not the end!

How is this sounding to you so far?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It sounds wonderful. I really like your statement about how the new relationship will only start once I have healed and that it is what he wants....so he can reach out to me and our love can flow both ways. I really want this to happen. The nightmare/dream I had last night was very disturbing. It woke me up and I immediatley started to sob. It felt like a sobbing that came from deep down within myself and my soul. I have cried many, many tears for the loss of my husband but it has been a couple of years since I have sobbed so deeply and for so long. It felt good to get that deep, deep pain out of me but eventually I had to stop and try to calm down. As I am writing this, I am starting to remember something about my husband. Whenever I would cry, whether it was about a loss of a loved one or as simple as dealing with the frustrations of everyday life, he would always try to comfort me and to get me to stop crying. I always told him that I needed to have that good cry. It would relieve my stress and I would feel better afterwards. He never understood that but maybe he does now. I wonder if his understanding could really be that deep now. Maybe he knew that I needed to have a really good cry. And this cry felt almost earth-shattering. Maybe, just maybe, he was allowing me to cry and get some of the pain out of my soul. I realized last night, while I was crying, that the loss of him runs really, really deep; deeper than I have been imagining during my grieving process. I know just how deeply my grief runs now and I think I still have a long road ahead to get through that pain. But, like you said, I want to be able to be in a place where our love can flow back and forth between us. Maybe last night is just what I needed. I have been giving myself a really hard time lately since I feel that I should be further along in my grieving process. I have a really hard time letting go and I always have. I feel if I let go he will drift away and at 4 and 1/2 years I am almost forgetting what it was like to have someone with me everyday, on my side, someone to go home to, someone to live life with, someone to share everything....the good times and the bad. I never want to lose that feeling that I had with him. I felt protected, safe, and loved. So that's my goal.....to get back to a place where I can feel he is still around and I can feel his love. Thank you so very much for your help. I greatly appreciate it!
Expert:  Mrs.SandMan replied 1 year ago.

Thank you!

You have understood and absorbed the meaning of your dreams/nightmares already! This is so important to reach the new relationship, good for you, be proud of yourself!

Nightmares come to awake us, to sometimes shatter us into such a state that we have no choice but to pay attention, so they will follow dreams that have been shrugged off or been ignored, for our good, not to scare us or make us frightened of the bogey man in the closet, lol.

You are 100% correct on the deep grieving, that guttural ugly pain deep within, needs to come out as horrible as it feels and uncomfortable as it gets, it is a must to move forward.

So you are doing a great job, do not get down on yourself anymore, immediately cast those thoughts out because they are untrue and do you no good. People do not realize the pain involved and the process it requires when they lose someone they have deeply loved, the deeper the love the more pain, sometimes makes a person not want to love at all, but....would you want to miss out on all those times you spent with him? Never, it is all worth it and is priceless, and you must realize it does not end with death. It changes is all, and you are on your way to that new relationship!

I am so happy I could help, you made my day, pain is there to help us grow not to make us miserable and to defeat us.

If you ever need any more help I am here for you anytime, and you will be in my prayers!

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you again, so very much! You made MY day!
Expert:  Mrs.SandMan replied 1 year ago.

Your very welcome.

Expert:  Mrs.SandMan replied 1 year ago.

Just checking in to see if how you are doing? Let me know if I can be of anymore help, and thank you!

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