This seems to be a portrait of a web of strong feelings that may be underrepresented in your conscious awareness. I would need to slice it into a sequence of scenes in order to develop the psycho-logic of how the unconscious attitudes relate to each other. I'll be in a workshop all day tomorrow. You could help by pointing out all the places in your dream where its content seems to be DIFFERENT from what you think about the relationships with your husband, friend, her BF and son. For the biggest contradictions or surprises in the dream content point to the most valuable new information about your life situation that are being brought up from your unconscious.
I'm sorry that I have been preoccupied with my wife's medical issues. I will be able to work on your dream and the differences you've pointed out late tomorrow or Thursday. How did you "know" when there was chemistry after the bumping incident ("tactile")--was it invisible but a sensation like magnetism? Was the argument that sprang up between you and your husband anything like what happens in waking life?
Here's my sequencing of your dream into 14 moves-or-scenes:
1.we went to a friend's house for dinner. She is an old family friend and
2.I got uncomfortable when she bumped into my husband.
3.I thought I felt chemistry.
4.My husband and I behind her back started fighting.
5.My old friend was with her boyfriend and son in the garden and
6.I absolutely knew she wasn't in any attracted, or even conscious despite what I felt was chemistry.
7. I told my husband I wanted to break up, and
8.he said that was a good idea since he could pursue my friend, even though she was involved with someone else, when we split up. He and I were Chatting in the kitchen.
9.Outside my friend and her son and boyfriend were flying kites made of wood.
10.The night was clear and I stood in wonder at the stars, it seemed like you could see all the Milky Way.
11.But I was feeling so immensely sad. And
12.my husband asked "wait how does this work with all of three of us in this project if we split up?"
13.I remember feeling angry that he didn't think of my friendship with my friendship would be spoilt if he pursued her. And 14. as far as the project (my friend is indeed trying to help) I felt that my husband knew that all the opportunities came from me and my network and how dare he be so cold and calculating
Now there are two important analytical postulates that I'll try out on your scenes to see if they yield some insight into your dream's content vis-a-vis your waking personality that could be useful:
1. The dreamer in your dream is not just "you" as you normally think of yourself, but a character composed of some aspects of your present personality that the dream-director (aka Higher Power/Wisdom or God) has chosen for you to concentrate on carefully to possibly learn something. In fact there are even some attitudes she manifests that you seem to be surprised at in your recounting of the dream.
2. We can assume (for an effort at analysis) that the sequence of scenes as you've recounted them suggests that many of them are the "consequences" of what has occurred just before. Yet in some cases two scenes might be viewed as simultaneous, but recounted sequentially because of the normal linearity of verbal and written language.
Now I'm not going to get started with an interpretation of these 14 scenes, because I could not expect myself to stop once I begin, and it will take quite a bit of time, perhaps an hour. So I'll ask you two main questions about this preparation for analysis of your dream:
1. Are there ANY details you can add to ANY of these 14 scenes? VISUAL, Mental, Emotional (you attribute waking-life mental attitudes to your husband and old womanfriend that are somewhat at odds with what you believe you detect them doing and experiencing in the dream), environmental (like furniture or surroundings in the house or garden, true-to-life or different (all similarities & differences are important to notice).
2. Would you say scenes 5 & 6 and 9 & 10 were roughly simultaneous? You say it's unlikely that your friend and her son would be flying wooden kites; why is it unlikely? In what way(s) is that action contrary to the natures/characters of her and her son at the ages they are in the dream? Pretend you are a poet and write something metaphorical about the scene of mother & son flying kites, including how the kites looked and acted up there in the (was it night?) sky.
Did anything else happen between the barebones introduction of scene 1 and scene 2? Was there anything that happened in the transition between scene 3 & 4? Did any part of the fight occur before scene 5? How did your "fighting" in scene 4 turn into "chatting" in scene 8?