My name is Fran, and I am an experienced criminal
Because of the national focus on domestic violence
, if one person calls the police because of what his spouse or fiance is doing or threatening to do, there is always an arrrest. The police must take someone in. That's become the law and there's virtually no exception.
From there the police turn the matter over to the prosecutor. At that point, the case no longer belongs to the complainant -- you may have started the arrest process by involving the police, but you don't't get to decide who finishes it - but it belongs to the prosecutor who brings charges on behalf of all people in the state.
The DA does not have to drop a charge just because you have changed your mind about wanting to go forward. You should go to the DA's office and speak to the assistant DA who is assigned to prosecute the case against this person, and tell him/her that while you told the truth when you called, you made a mistake, becuse you really don't want the case to go forward. Instead, you want to drop charges and work your problems out with the defendant together without the help of the court because you are not fearful for your safety and believe you don't need outside help. After you do this, the DA will almost certainly tell you that they can prosecute this case whether you like it or not, and that they won't drop it.. Be prepared for that because the odds are almost 100% that that's what you'll hear, at least if this is a domestic violence case.
If the prosecutor tells you that he won't let you drop and that he will continue the case, you will have to enlist the aid of the defense lawyer to double-team the prosecutor and see if he can help you to get the charges dropped. Let the defense lawyer know that you've been trying to drop and the DA won't do it. The defense lawyer should be willing to help you because you both want the same thing -- that the case against the defendant gets dismissed.
Usually when the complainant starts "holding hands with" the defense attorney and both push for a dismissal, something highly favorable to the defense can be worked out.
So, the bottom line is that if the DA refuses to let you drop before the court date, you won't be able to keep the matter out of the court. But if you then work with the defense lawyer, he should be able to resolve this fairly quickly.