My name is XXXXX XXXXX I am a criminal
When the police are called to a house to check out a possible domestic violence matter, they are not allowed to use their own discretion. They MUST make an arrest
. Once upon a time, that was not the case. Back then, police could look at a situation, size it up and just leave if they thought everything was fine and under control.
Because of the national focus on domestic violence
, howver, that is simply no longer the law. If a spouse calls the police because of what the other spouse is doing or threatening to do, there will always be an arrest..
From there the police turn the matter over to the prosecutor. At that point, the case no longer belongs to the complainant -- she may have started it, but she doesn't get to decide who finishes it - but to the prosecutor who brings charges on behalf of all people in the state.
As if the above isn't bad enough, the DA does not have to drop the charges just because the two of you now want her too, and they will probably tell her that. Although she should go to the DA's office and speak to the assistant DA who is assigned to prosecute the case against you, and tell him/her that this whole thing was a mistake, that she doesn't want the case to go forward, that she wants to drop charges so that the two of you can work your problems out together without the help of the court, in my experience, the DA will almost certainly tell her that they can prosecute this case whether she likes it or not, and that they won't drop it. No judge or DA these days wants to look soft on domestic violence and so they will try to keep the case alive for as long as they possibly can.
Realistically, though, if there are no witnesses or injuries, even though the DA may take a hard line, he will have great difficulty winning his case with a reluctant star witness. So, if the prosecutor refuses to drop the case against you, your wife will need to enlist the aid of your lawyer to double-team the prosecutor and see if he can help her to get the charges dropped. Your lawyer will be willing to assist her because you both want the same thing -- that the case against you gets dismissed.
Usually when the complainant starts holding hands with the defense attorny and both push for a dismissal, something highly favorable to the defense can be worked out.