Thank you for the opportunity to assist you. You've raised several important issues, so I'll address them one at a time.
Q) I told the cops that I did not want to press charges. They said I no longer have that choice
This is correct. Once a report of possible criminal activity is made to the police, it is up to the officers whether or not to arrest the alleged perpetrator. To arrest, the officer has to have probable cause
to believe that a crime occurred. From the facts described above, there was clearly probable cause to arrest.
Like a police officer, a prosecutor also has the discretion of whether or not to pursue a charge in court. They can decide to drop a charge at the request of an alleged victim, but they don't have to. I've seen some cases where a victim begged and pleaded with the prosecutor to not go forward with a trial, but the prosecutor did it anyway. In reality, good prosecutors listen to the victims of crime, and often abide by their wishes, but not always.
The whole concept of people "dropping charges" after the police and/or the prosecutor is involved is a myth that is perpetrated on TV. That's not how it works in real life.
Q) They said I could talk to the judge, how do I do that
At some point you will have an opportunity to testify as a witness, or perhaps make a victim impact statement to a judge. This assumes that a trial goes forward.
I think what you want to do is talk to the prosecutor. They may not have any idea about the case until Tuesday at the earliest. So, some time this coming week, you could call the prosecutor's office and ask to speak to the person assigned to the case against your boyfriend. Express your concerns to him or her, including the issue about drinking, and see what they say.
Q) They said it was going to be "Domestic Disturbance"
There are a variety of crimes that could be charged: battery for pushing you, ripping your shirt, etc.; property destruction for destroying your cell phone; abduction or kidnapping for trying to keep you from calling the police, etc.
You will be able to find out exactly what he's been charged with by calling the police station, the jail, and/or waiting until Tuesday when he's arraigned
Q) He is being held without bond until he sees a judge on Tuesday
If he was intoxicated, and the charges are numerous and/or serious, I'm not surprised in the slightest that he was denied bail and held in jail until a judge could consider bail.
Q) He never acts like this sober. Is there a way I will be able to tell them that
Yes. Understand, though, that voluntary intoxication is generally not a defense to most crimes. It may help lessen the punishment if convicted. After all, most of us understand that people do things they would not normally do when "tanked up" as compared to when they're sober. But he probably cannot use "I was drunk out of my mind" as a defense to get him found not guilty at a trial.
As I stated above, you should first try talking to the prosecutor or the victim witness advocate for your jurisdiction. If you don't know how to get in touch with the latter, call the court or the prosecutor's office. They should be able to point you in the right direction.
I'm sorry you've had to go through this. Hopefully this is a one-time incident that's completely out of character for your BF, and one that will never happen again. Perhaps if he takes an anger management class, and/or gets evaluated and treated for drug or alcohol issues, his behavior will change and that will help him with getting out of these charges relatively unscathed.
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