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Law Educator, Esq.
Law Educator, Esq., Lawyer
Category: Criminal Law
Satisfied Customers: 90314
Experience:  Attorney with over 20 years law enforcement, prosecution, civil rights and defense experience
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I have a step daughter who is trying to accuse me of making

Customer Question

I have a step daughter who is trying to accuse me of making sexual advances of her because she walked passed and saw me before I got dressed. I would like to know how to handle this before it gets out of hand.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Criminal Law
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your question. I look forward to working with you to provide you the information you are seeking.

Has she gone to the police yet?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No.
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your response.

The first thing you need to do is not make any statements to anyone about this matter to explain yourself. The only thing you should say to anyone who brings up the issue is that "It is not true and it did not happen." DO NOT get into any explanation, because if she does go to child protection or the police all of these explanations get twisted with time and will come back to haunt you.

Second, keep your door closed so she cannot see you getting dressed anymore or go in the bathroom and close the door to get dressed and avoid putting yourself in any situation where you could be accused any further. This avoiding putting yourself in any situation means also to avoid being alone with her were there are no witnesses present.

Third, you need to sit with her mother and tell the mother no advances were ever made and that she needs to resolve with you and her daughter to make sure her daughter knows no advances were made. The reason you need the mother on your side to resolve this is because these types of allegations can get blown out of proportion really fast and if it gets to the police or child protection it can cause you major legal issues even if you are innocent and you would then need a local attorney to represent you.



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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I has set up an appointment for her, her mother and I to go and talk to a therapist about the situation. Would this be a bad idea?
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for you response.

You need to be aware that the therapist is a "mandatory reporter" and that means if he has any reports or sees any evidence of POTENTIAL abuse he is mandated by law to report this to child protection. Thus, you might want to try to get mom to resolve this if at all possible, but if not you do really need the therapist.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
She have told her grandmother and her biological father. This situation supposingly happened a couple of years ago. My step daughter always acted fine around me, she would stay around me by herself and acted regular. About a week ago she went to spend a week with one of my wife's friends daughter and my wife's friend daughter had been sexaully abused. When she got back that is when she began to act funny with me. I believe that my wife's friend daughter tried to persuade her that the same thing that happened to her happened to my step daughter.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Her mom believes me the problem that I have now is with her grandmother and her biological father. This child has been known to be a compulsive lier. She have lied on teachers and almost every one that she knows has caught her up in lies including her grandmother and biological father. Just as in a lot of cases when it comes to a step parent people are more eager to believe something bad even though they know the child's reputation.
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
A couple of years ago would make it very hard to even prove that this has happened. You do need to get to a therapist, there are so many false claims of sexual abuse, but because it is such a serious allegation it needs to be dealt with very swiftly by you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Do you suggest that all three of us go to the therapist together?
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
Absolutely. Although, initially the therapist will want to speak to everyone separately and then bring you together.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I also had a mind to sit down and talk to the biological father since she has told him this. Would you recommend this or do you think it is best if I do not?
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
As I told you initially, the more you try to talk your way out of this, the more of a chance you have for whatever you say to get twisted around. Do not have conversations with anyone but the therapist. Explaining to the biological father is not going to help, it is going to just make it look like you are trying to cover up.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Okay, thanks.
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
Thank you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
What would probably happen if she was to go to the police?
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
If she goes to the police, the police have to notify child protection and they will remove her from your home and they have to investigate. Proving the charges would be difficult if there was no sexual contact and it would be your word against her word, but if you say she saw you undressed, even accidentally, child protection will run with that and state you are unfit so you need to NOT SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE as I said before. If she goes to the police or child protection, you need to immediately get an attorney to deal with them and make no statements even though you think you can talk your way out of it because they are very good at lying and manipulating whatever you say to them.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
She has been at her grandmother's house for about 4 days and I don't plan to live in a house with her any more.
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for the reply.

Even if she is staying with her grandmother, child protection can make your life miserable and you still should not make any statements without an attorney on this type of charge against you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
ok
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
thank you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
My step daughter has been staying with her biological father and her grandmother since this past Friday. Everytime my wife says something about getting her back he says something about calling the police. How would you suggest handling this?
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your response.

The last thing you want is him calling the police and getting child protection involved. You need to get your wife and SHE needs to sit down with the biological father and you should not be involved. Let her try to talk to him and point out that this did not happen, but again you need to not make any comments at all about this matter, because they can come back to haunt you later.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

During the time in question my father had just passed and I was going through some situations and I had to visit a psych. He had put me on some medication that was too strong and during that time it had an adverse effect on me. I was not able to function and I have been driving and ended up places where I didn't remember going. So I am not sure if this was a result of that. But one thing that she says is that I didn't make any jesters or touch her.

Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your follow up.

I understand, but you should not be disclosing anything about any of that to anyone but your attorney if the father does make a complaint. For now, you need to let your wife try to resolve this issue.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

This wasn't any permanent medication, it was just for about a couple of months. When he first prescribed it he prescribed too much.

Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
I understand, but again, I am telling you, say nothing about any of this, it will be twisted around if they choose to file a complaint and they will seek to use it against you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Ok. Another thing my wife has full custody of my step child but they are trying to keep her now. What would be the best way to handle that. I have already told my wife that if she wants to bring her back to our house that I would go and live somewhere else.

Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
You would have to leave the house if they report this to CPS. I think you need to let your wife negotiate this with the father saying that this did not happen and that you were not doing anything and the daughter was just saying this because of the other friend making the claim about her parents.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The problem with the father is that he is trying to find a way not to pay child support. He has been to jail a few times and lost his license because of not paying. I don't think it is so much that he believes her, I think it is more of a form of get back. From what he says she said something like this to him a few months to a year ago but he never said anything about it and we had no trouble getting her back. To be honest I will not stay in a house with her again because I don't know what her motive is and I don't know what she is capable of. I am just trying to look at things from my wife's point because I know she wants her child with her.
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
I know you are looking at it from your wife's point of view and if your wife wants her child back she can go to court, but she needs to understand the risk to you if the father files a complaint with the police and child protection gets involved. I do not know what to tell you about that part unless you think he is bluffing and is not going to call the police because of his record.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
What I am trying to see is what the law says about this. My step daughter has mentioned to several people that I didn't try anything with her, she just saw me naked. I figure this should mean something.
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
The law says you did not do anything illegal and it was not abuse if this was just an accident she saw you changing. However, that still does not save you if he files a complaint and you have to exhaust time and financial resources dealing with child protection, even though you will be cleared of any wrongdoing as it was a one time thing and it was an accident and not something you went to her and showed her or attacked her.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
From what my wife is telling me is that she says that she saw me several times naked. Never when she supposed to have saw me naked did she say I saw her. She only says she think I saw her. The only situation that I know of is when she walked passed the bathroom door. I am sure that it is a step parent thing and she is bringing all of this stuff up because she got upset with me. She tries to act like now that she is so traumatized. Since the time that this was supposed to have happened she have been around me alone and acted like everything was fine. I have picked her up from school and she has talked to me and everything was fine. What I want to know is when does what her biological father is doing becomes black male?
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your new question.

I understand your position, It is not blackmail if he is reporting suspected abuse. I wish I knew what to tell you to make you feel better, but you need to get your wife to do what she can to stop him from filing any reports because if he makes a report, it is going to take you time and money to resolve and her complaining about seeing you naked could be considered child neglect.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The reason I was saying blackmail is because its like if you do this I'll do this. How long does he have to file a complaint?
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
It fees like blackmail, but if this happened he has a legal right to make the complaint I am afraid and he has until the child is 18 to make the complaint.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
So you are saying that he can know about the situation for 5 years and just get upset one day before she is 18 and file a complaint?
Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 1 year ago.
Legally according to the statutes written by the VA legislature, that is correct I am sorry to say.

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