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Zoey_ JD
Zoey_ JD, JustAnswer Criminal Law Mentor
Category: Criminal Law
Satisfied Customers: 16343
Experience:  Admitted to NYS Criminal defense bar in 1989. Extensive arraignment, hearing, trial experience.
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my ex boyfriend was charged with assault on a female, after

Customer Question

my ex boyfriend was charged with assault on a female, after he was released he took charges out on me (simple assault)do I need to press charges on him in addition to the states charges?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Criminal Law
Expert:  Zoey_ JD replied 1 year ago.
Hi Jacustomer,

Did the charge of assault on a female involve an assault on you? If so, the state has already pressed charges against him on your behalf, and you would not have to bring them again. The prosecutor will eventually be in touch with you (or you can call the prosecutor's office and ask to speak to the prosecutor in charge of the case against your ex) and find out what's going on with the case against him.

If the charge against him involved some other woman, but he also assaulted you, then you could go to the police and fill out a police report and let them know you wish your boyfriend prosecuted. Sometimes, if it is the same incident as what they have charged you with, the police won't let you go forward, since the state is representing him. But you should try, as policies differ between one jurisdiction and another.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


yes, the case against him involves me, that's why when he was released he went and took out charges on me. I live in NC and was informed that it use to be that if one person took out charges, that the person that was charged could not go and have the same charges taken out on the person that charged them, but the law changed....now if the person swears on the bible as to what happened they have to follow up with it. The detective I talked to called it a cross warrant. I have a clean record, I have council and am using this is my (second) opinion. I am just wondering if I press charges is that 2 counts on him not just one?

Expert:  Zoey_ JD replied 1 year ago.
You can't press charges for the same incident as it has already been done for you. You can attempt to file charges fo a different incident, but not the same one that is already pending.

Domestic cases are always he said/she said cases. Police allow a cross-complaint when both parties have committed an assault but the police cannot determine who started it. They usually resolve with both defendants hiring lawyers and then each agreeing to drop charges against the other.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Fran , let me give you the background on this. My ex lived in my home for 3 yrs ....he had no financial ties to the house ...didn't even work for a majority of the time, but because he received mail here, he was considered living here and I could not just have him removed from the home. The police were called out several times prior to this because of arguments. As a matter of fact he was the caller to 911 on several of the occasions. he drank and when he did he became increasingly violent. The police never arrested him or I ( there were times they said one of us had to leave the residents, and that upset me greatly because it was MY home), and the police advised me to take out a restraining order. My boyfriend was violent and threatened to ruin my life ....cause harm to my house and dogs if I ever did anything against him. This last incident the police came ....and when they arrived my boyfriend came out of the house(yes he was the one who placed the call) and started yelling that I had cut him, even though he had cuts on his leg, the police determined he was the aggressor and charged him with assault on a female and driving under the influence, he drove his car across the street to a neighbors and when the police arrived it was still there. The police also indicated that they could not say 100% but that they felt the wounds were self inflicted. YET, after I indeed got a restraining order against him, and he was released on bond, he pressed charges on me and I spent Memorial Day weekend in jail. I am trying to figure out the best course of action...I work in finance, my record is very important to me. (side note) He injured himself after I had ran out of the house and had locked myself in my vehicle in my driveway.

Expert:  Zoey_ JD replied 1 year ago.

Hi Becki,

I am surprised with that history that this managed to become a cross-complaint, but it did.

The best way to deal with this is to get a lawyer, because you are both the defendant and the complainant and you will want your lawyer to deal with the prosecutor and not you. And, of course, if you fight this case, you should not consider doing it yourself, especially as it's a cross complaint and anything you say on your behalf can be used against you.

If what you are worried about most is your record because of your career, your lawyer and your ex's lawyer can probably work out a deal where you each drop charges against the other. Once that is done, if you feel the need for a protective order, you can get it from civil court, where he would only face arrest if he violated the order.

Bringing a new set of charges for other incidents will only escalate the matter and get him angrier. That's okay if you feel strongly that he should be punished, but again, if your primary concern is that you come out of this without a record, you might consider that escalating matters can put you potentially into a bigger mess.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


I am worried about my record and at the same time worried about what he will do, I know what he was capable of in my home and what he did to me as far as having me arrested. He has had traffic tickets/DUIs against him and has seemed to dodge the bullet with them (due to his parents always getting him good attorneys, and they were aware of his drinking and violence this go round to boot) I'm afraid if he gets a slap on the wrist, he will come after me, I'm afraid if I go after him harder he will come after me again. I currently have a 1yr restraining order on him, I have installed a fence and lighting around my home and a security system also. I guess I need to talk to my attorney to see what is best, XXXXX XXXXX just my record it is literally my life.

Expert:  Zoey_ JD replied 1 year ago.
Hi Becki,

Yes. If you are concerned for your life this is not a casual decision. You need to discuss it confidentially with your lawyer.
Zoey_ JD, JustAnswer Criminal Law Mentor
Category: Criminal Law
Satisfied Customers: 16343
Experience: Admitted to NYS Criminal defense bar in 1989. Extensive arraignment, hearing, trial experience.
Zoey_ JD and 3 other Criminal Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Thanks for your help, I will be consulting with him again Monday.

Expert:  Zoey_ JD replied 1 year ago.
Thank you, and best of luck with this.

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