i have a fourth degree assult when i was 17 years old. i slugged my mother for all the abuse she made me go through for six long and hard years. i was put in juvy and was then put through treatment for depression and PTSD for about ten and a half months. when i was in treatment i missed a court date because they did not contact them to get me to court. i am now 19 years old and am still paying for my crime. there is a warrant for me. i have no car and could not get to court due getting lost on the bus system. they will not give me another chance and want to lock me up. do i turn myself in again and risk my mental health for suicid. my mother ruined me once, will the state ruin me again. i have gone through so much, i think of tring to commit suicid again, just thinking of jail. what should i do. i feel like i am paying my mothers crime because i had no self esteem to stand up for myself. and i still don't want to face my past, with it i have night mares and flash backs of something i wanted to stop.

Optional Information:
State/Country relating to question: Washington

Already Tried:
i wanted to go to court last week, i gave my self three hours to travel on the bus to get there that should have only taken about one hour. i knew that i easiely get lost, even though i had those two extra hours to get to everet from seattle, i never made it, due to my limitation of bus knowlege. they are sick of me not showing up in court. i want to pay for my crime. but with always getting lost and more lost the harder i try, the more i feel like i am a badder person than i was born to be.