Well, if nothing else, you've managed to keep your sense of humor, and that can't hurt. Thank you for the chuckle.
You're stuck in a pretty vicious cycle, and I understand your concern. You can't pay the money if you can't get a decent job. You can't get a decent job if you can't get the crime off of your record. You can't get the crime off your record if you can't pay the money. And there's the problem in a nutshell.
The restitution is a condition that has to be completed before you can get the dismissal that you'll be entitled to at the end of the diversion program. Unfortunately, while the case is pending, you can't get an expungement
or a pardon. I'd love to come up with a magic solution for you, but I'm afraid there isn't one.
I did find this, which may be at least good to to if you're applying for a state or city job or license:
III. Nondiscrimination in occupational licensing and employment:
A person may not be disqualified from public employment “solely because of a prior
conviction for a felony or misdemeanor
,” nor may a person who has had his civil rights restored be disqualified from an occupation for which a license is required “solely because of” a conviction. Ariz. Rev. Stat. Ann. § 13-904(E). A person may be
disqualified from public employment or denied a license by reason of conviction only if “the offense has a reasonable relationship to the functions of the employment or
occupation for which the license, permit or certificate is sought.” Id. Subsection (E)
does not apply to positions in law enforcement. § 13-904(F).
concerning a violation of this subsection shall be adjudicated in accordance with the Arizona administrative procedures act, including judicial review. § 13-904(G). See also “Rehabilitating the Ex-felon: Impact of Arizona's pardons and civil rights restoration statutes,” Law & Soc. Ord., 1971, p. 793. No provisions governing private employment.