Hi, I'm Nathan.Sorry to hear that you're having trouble with this but I'll do my best to help you.
There are many remotes on the market, from basic to complex, which can control your devices.
The programming part is the most complicated, so a more advanced remote is actually better for you as they are more easily programmed, by connecting to a computer and using simple software. The programming is then just a matter of entering the model number of your devices into the software.
Here is a model I'd suggest for you: http://amzn.to/2eN6lPc
It comes with a remote, but also with a "blaster" device which can be used if you have your equipment in a closet or closed cabinet. You can also use a harmony app on an iphone or ipad to operate the functions of your system through that blaster. If you happen to have an amazon echo device, you can even set it up to control your devices just by speaking to it, such as "alexa, play dvd) for example.
I can help you through the setup process or even do it for you remotely, if needed.
Do you need more help with this?