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Hello, this is Dr. Jess. I am sorry to hear about your problems with your kitty! Unfortunately there isn't really an over the counter medication that can be used for this situation if her stress level is very high. There are some calming supplements people use such as zylkene: http://www.vetoquinolusa.com/Products/Behavior/index.html or Composure: http://www.vetriscience.com/index.php?l=product_detail&p=900781030 or there is the thundershirt: http://www.thundershirt.com/thundershirt/thundershirt-cats.html or clipnosis clip: http://www.clipnosis.com/
I have seen some of these work well on certain cats. It really depends on how high their anxiety level is. If it is too high, the only way to go is going to be a prescription sedative from your vet. Benadryl (some people think this may help) likely isn't going to help calm your kitty down and in some cats can actually make them more excitable!
If you have any other questions, please let me know.. If you do not have any other questions, please take a moment to RATE our conversation so we can know if you were satisfied with your service and I can get credit for helping to answer your question. Thank you and good luck!