Have Cat Questions? Ask a Cat Vet Online.
Hi -- I'm a licensed veterinarian with over 25 years of experience and believe I might be able to help you out. But I'd have a few questions first if that is ok?
Has she shown any signs of being aggressive to you or your boyfriend or you other cat? Does she seem more inclined to bond with one of you over the other? Have you tried offering her any things which might ease her anxiety? I've owned a couple of cats personally over the years who are more "standoffish" so I definitely know your frustration on doing the right thing.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I would err on the side of letting her come to you, perhaps with a few more tricks to get her to relax. There are several companies which might "Relaxing" or "Calming" treats or liquids which are usually all natural and very safe. The one I am most familiar with is GNC brand "Calming" - these contain tryptophan and a variety holistic products such as herbs which can help with anxiety and could help her out. The Feliway is definitely worth continuing. The other very safe alternative is to regularly (once a day or every other day) give her some catnip - most cats will enjoy rubbing on this or eating a little bit and then after having a little burst of silly energy (which is fun to watch for itself), get very mellow and this might help her also ease into more interaction with you both.
I hope this helps and is a satisfactory answer. Please remember to rate my response since that is the only way I am compensated for my answers. Good luck with your little one and please let me know if you have any other questions and I'll do my best. Take care.