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Tom B.
Tom B., Barrister & Solicitor
Category: Canada Law
Satisfied Customers: 2263
Experience:  25 years in practice
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Good morning, the Issue is potential elder abuse ? by family.

Customer Question

Good morning, the Issue is potential elder abuse ? by family. ......
Background:
I am one of 3 daughters who are cited to have power of attorney for my parents.
Abecause t present my father retains power of attorney , however following a geriatric assessment the MD stated dad cannot make decisions regarding his health nor that of my mother as told to me by my sisters. My parents are 88 and 89 .
This assessment came while MR P was in hospital following a fall while trying to board a bus after leaving a restaurant in downtown Toronto. The bus had not lowered the step to facilitate boarding, the curb was uneven and Mr P was hurrying to board as there was a crowd on the sidewalk with a police presence dealing with whatever was going on with this crowd. Mr P. was concerned and said he was rushing to get out of there with my mom and thus tripped. They routinely frequent this restaurant twice weekly all year and use the bus as it at the door.
How or what can be done to advise family that their behavior and words are bordering or are abuse towards their parents without retaliation which happens when I have pointed it out.
Issue:
Due to the fall my sisters have instituted 24 hr care in my parents condo against my parents wishes. I agree and both parents agree that additional support is a good idea to help with shopping , go out to activities like painting but the 24hr is an imposition and invasive... no privacy. At a surprise visit by my sisters Saturday both sisters were shouting at my parents. You have dementia, my mother asked that the shouting stop but it continued. I had no effect to stop this. Both informed our parents that this is how it is going to be and that's it!. Neither sister plans to keep coming up as "we have our lives" ( 2 of us live 4 hrs east of them and 1 lives 30 min away). My father told me he pays his the 2 daughters when they come for their help. He informed me that one sister who came up when he was discharged from hospital after 2 days following the fall "cursed the whole 2 weeks and was very cruel to your mother" When asked to define he said : impatient, puts her down, kept telling her she had dementia, told her she can't do anything right...
The care they instituted in the home involved strict instructions to wake them in the morning by 8 am to give their meds( most are once a day meds) The rational is to get them use to this routine as they are going to a home. A deposit was made already for a home 30 min away. My sisters did not involve me in the plan and would hang up when I called to question what was going on. When my father was upset and in tears trying to speak with me, my sister took the phone and hung up. This happened frequently.
My adult daughter went up 2weeks ago and stayed for 2 days. My sister was still there and while my patents were thrilled with my daughter there my sister was cool and making insulting comments about me to my parents. My daughter observed that my sister and the hired service were rushing my parents to eat i.e hurry up now you have been eating long enough, also use the words you are not allowed to make your own coffee, make your own breakfast, you are not allowed to go out alone. my father cannot sit at his usual seat at the head of the table as the hired service seats there between my parents. My sister again said this is part of the conditioning needed. My daughter observed that my sister would cut my father off when he attempted to speak ( he had a mini stroke, 3 years ago and has some aphasia when he is nervous and strained) and needs time to speak. The CCAC worker told me Friday a.m. that my parents are being rushed around , wakened early , are nervous when my sister was there and with all these workers coming in . It is not calm .I suspended service to the agency while I would be visiting my parents because I went up last Thursday after noon till Sunday night .
On the Saturday morning at 9 am both sisters arrived at my parents condo unannounced (My parents reaction was one of fright and nervous.... my mother wanted to clean up my bedding off the couch quick before they came in) This meant that 1 sister travelled up 4hrs the day before and stayed at the sister who lives 30 min away. My parents were surprised that no one called to say they were coming . I had just started to make breakfast when they arrived and was told never mind serving them a leisurely breakfast we both have to get back to our lives and are here for 2 hours ! They informed my parents that the 24 hr care remains till they go to a home and that's it and that I was not to change anything !!. I ask them to go easy as my father's sister had just died the day before. When they left both parents were exhausted and my mother indicated she was feeling nauseous, my father was in tears.
Last night my father told me the sister form 30 min away called and was scolding him , hung up and called again. My father asked me not to intervene as it makes it worse.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Canada Law
Expert:  Legal Ease replied 1 year ago.
What province is this please?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ontario
Expert:  Legal Ease replied 1 year ago.
Are you parents mentally competent to make decisions about their finances and their care at this point?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes my father is. He manages his own investments with an advisor and is able to articulate and produce documents needed for both income tax returns. In May the family MD acknowledges he has good insight.
Expert:  Legal Ease replied 1 year ago.
So let me get make sure I have this straight. Your two sisters don't care what you say or what your parents say and are bullying your parents so that they are confined to their home because of one single isolated incident of a fall. You believe your father is fully competent but he is elderly and essentially cannot stand up to your sisters who are going to harm the lifestyle your parents have been enjoying because of this one incident. They want them in a home and to be done with this issue.Is that essentially what is going on?

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