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hello start mediation on thurs and am quite concerned. i separated from emotional/mental abusive husband.He has epilepsy and renal/kidney failure ( has been transplanted wth a kidneyx6 yrs. now. his epilepsy has never been well managed. in november he rolled his truck after a seizure, not disclosing that to drs police etc.he is on a new med to help but has seizures at night and early am still. he is know to hide his medical info. and i will never know if hes not seizing during day- he works alone. he is intimidating me wth wanting shared custody. i have supported him seeing our son who is 11 months old, but i am fighting for his SAFETY!! This environment is unsafe to live in and to be driven around by him...am i being naive to think i should have sole/primary parenting with visitation,probably supervised due to husbands medical conditions. its hard to make a parenting plan because the plan basically is for visitation..he shouldnt be granted overnights and driving privaledges ??!! help!
Optional Information: Province/Territory relating to question: Alberta Already Tried: our first mediation is on thursday, he has had visits every weekend so far, although that will have to adjust due to me going back to work in august..he is a controller and sees being told he cant have his son is wrong.. im purely looking at my sons safety and right to LIFE!never mind my rights or his! discussion together is futile as he is an intimidator.i am feeling like mediation wont work because he soemhow believes he can have this child in his home while not being a stable epileptic.
Hello:The mediator of course cannot force any settlement on you, and it would be appropriate if you have these safety concerns to voice them during mediation. If your husband will not consent to some terms that you think are acceptable, then you need not agree to anything, and you can bring a court application if need be.Mediation is often a bad idea for a parent that has been subject to an abusive and intimidating relationship, as the mediator, if not experienced in handling such matters, may allow the abusive spouse to bully and dictate terms to the other right in the mediation process itself. You want to be very careful that you are not pressured into terms. It is certainly fine if you do come to any agreement that you say that you will not sign off and make the agreement final until you have a chance to review the proposed terms with a lawyer, to help make sure you are not being pushed into a lopsided, unfair, or even unsafe arrangement for your son. Court actions are to be avoided generally, given the cost, stress, risk, and acrimony involved. But sometimes court is the only and best place to deal with a person that will be unreasonable in any other forum where cooperation and common sense is required.The court will only be interested in the best interests of the children. So it is not a matter of the father's rights in this matter, and if his parenting plan or his lack of judgment or physical problems cause the judge to think that his custody of the child puts him at risk then the court can deny custody, or put restrictions on his access,such as refusing overnight access.Note there may be options other than you having sole custody that could address concerns that you and the court may have. Driving for example, as the court could potentially allow a shared parenting routine but order that the father shall not drive at any time with the child in the car. If he simply cannot care for a young child at any time as he does not manage the epilepsy and the child would be at risk in his care, then a court could look at options such as supervised access. You may also want to report the accident to his doctor, as the doctor has an obligation to advise the government of any person in his care that he believes may not be medically fit to drive.
Thank you for yor reply, i did however receive the information you provided with no charge, from a lawyer already...i was looking for info or tips from the law that would strengthen my case thus possibly sidestepping the courts.i agree wth the concerns but am gained much strenth in the process, i just want to know if you can provide some solid leverage, to protect my son.my husband is a smooth talker and presents himself very peacfully and will do so wth his doctors to eventually get one to say he is 'safe'. would you also be able to confirm what the average child support would be, his income is aprox $70,000/yr.
Hello:
I cannot know what information you already have received. You asked for information, and I have provided as much general information as I can and the fact that you are getting similar information from different lawyers is probably an indication that the information is correct. But certainly if you do not think the information I am providing to be helpful or accurate, you can receive a refund through customer service.
No one can give you any surefire tips to help you avoid court. I think court is maybe in fact unavoidable, as you are dealing with a person that has demonstrated an abusive and controlling temperament, and that is the last person that is usually going to make concessions that can help achieve a fair settlement in mediation. This type of person is usually bullying, headstrong, and stubborn, and often mediation with such a person results in failure. Or caving in to meet his demands.
You want to try to make it clear to him that if he goes to court, he will lose. He will pay you court costs and legal fees for taking an unreasonable position and forcing court. The more evidence you can give to try to get the mediator to your way of thinking, the better, in order to have the mediator leaning on him to make compromises that are reasonable.
You can best help yourself by being able to prove the abusive background, and his inattention to his own physical care. That could be done by copies of any letters, or emails, which he could be confronted with in mediation.
The child support on income of $70,000.00 would be a base of $594.00 per month. There could be add-ons for expenses such as child care you incur while going to work or school, or any medical expenses for your child.
Experience: with over 15 years experience.