California Employment Law
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If this is a commission and it has been earned—based on a closed sale, then you must be paid the remaining balance. Instead of treating it as a commission, your employer appears to be treating it as a bonus, which is not a guaranteed pay at the discretion of the employer. So, your argument should center on the part that this is an earned commission and thus must be paid to you regardless of whether you are out on disability or otherwise.
You can cite appropriate California Labor Code. However, that would not be necessary here because DLSE supposed to know the code. Your strategy is on target. Getting Affidavits/Declarations/Subpoenas from former employees is prudent. The keyword here is commission, not incentive plan. Incentive plan is a bonus. However, what you described is a commission and must be paid to the employee whether the employee is absent or terminated because the commission has already been earned.
You can you use this link to view and download sample declarations:
I am sorry, but I cannot review the draft for you and sign off on it. If I did, I would be acting as your Attorney, which I am not. I only answer general questions on this site.
The contents of the Declarations that you posted are appropriate and on target.