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It would be unethical for a lawyer to contact a lender and disclose any conversation had with the borrower regarding the what was discussed during the consultation or disclose who a client or whom they have consulted with. This would subject a lawyer to bar discipline. If I were in your shoes I would not be concern
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That is correct unless you have retained the lawyer to assist you in the matter. For further assurance you can request that the lawyer not disclose your identity.
They should not find out, it would be unethical for the attorney to mention anything about your consultation with another party.
You should not have to no but if what want assurance you certainly can tell him that your understanding that the consultation was confidential and will not be discussed with lender unless approved by you first.