It might be advisable to file a Motion for Contempt and Sanctions for Violations of the Automatic Stay, attaching all of the relevant documentation you can find (i.e. any advertisements online or in the paper). The bankruptcy judge can determine whether the lender has committed violations of the automatic stay (as opposed to unrelated third parties). You're not guaranteed to win, but it certainly sounds like you have good cause to bring the Motion at this point.
"Would the substitute trustee be a 3rd party? They told me that they only do what the lender tells them to do."
Yes, the substitute trustee in the foreclosure proceeding would likely be violating the automatic stay by continuing with the foreclosure when they know you are in an active bankruptcy. If the lender wants to continue with the foreclosure while you are still in bankruptcy, the lender must file a Motion for Relief from Stay and have that Motion granted at a bankruptcy court hearing. Without this, no one from the bank or its affiliates should be in your yard talking to you (or communicating with you at all, for that matter). Everything you mention (sending multiple loan mod packets post-petition, advertising the foreclosure sale, apparently threatening to hold the sale despite your active bankruptcy, etc.) could all easily be considered violations of the automatic stay.
Here's a California case that may help inform you as to the legal standard you would need to argue in front of the Bankruptcy judge. The facts are somewhat different than in your case, but pay careful attention to the section discussing "willful" violations (starting on page 11), as this is very generally how you would want to frame the argument so you could potentially recover damages:
Here's an informative article discussing damages for violations of the automatic stay:
Ultimately, the Bankruptcy Court would likely determine the amount of damages that you can sufficiently document and prove (via medical evidence or testimony of family or friends). The Kaufman case I cited above awarded punitive damages of 4x compensatory damages for highly egregious stay violations (i.e. stealing all of Ms. Kaufman's valuable personal property and selling it for profit), so that would seem to be roughly the outer limit of what a Court would award for egregious stay violations (although generally speaking, a Court CAN award up to 10x actual damages or so).
I may have linked to this case on another thread, but it's a California 9th Circuit case discussing the emotional damages issues at length. See In re Dawson, linked here:
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