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The lender is doing this because you wife has acquired a fractional ownership interest in the property, which is the marital residence, by virtue of the marriage.
That's why the lender is treading lightly around this subject. They don't want to be in violation of the automatic stay or accept money from the bankrupt which was not authorized by the court.
I can't say what the difference between accepting a check in the mail as opposed to an online payment is in their eyes. However, if this is the lender's policy, you're likely going to have to live with it.
If this has been established informally or formally, my suggestion is that you have your spouse execute a quitclaim deed to you for any and all interest she may have in the property.
This will eliminate any question about whether she has an ownership interest.
Once you get this done, you can send a copy to the mortgage company, and they should allow you to resume online payments.
Ok. It is likely that the lender has no idea about this transaction, and if it does, it may be afraid that this is a fraudulent transfer and could be reversed by the trustee.