It would be during the proceeding. Typically, they would notify you within a short time of the filing (ie. 30 days or less).
Bankruptcy law is Federal. It is Title 11 of the U.S. Code. The only real state law issues in bankruptcy are exemptions and a couple of otherissues where state law rights are involved (in these issues it is usually where the bankruptcy court
says, "ok, you can fight this out in state court").
I went to law school at Hofstra, so I am familiar with NY law as well.
As far as going after her assets given the facts you've described, she wouldnt' be liable for any of your debts.
Now, taking that into account, it doesn't necessarily mean that they wouldn't name her as a defendant in a lawsuit against you. It simply means that she would have a valid defense to the lawsuit if they did name her. Sometimes creditors do this anyways and can get away with it if she doesn't defend the lawsuit.
Now, if you file a Chapter 7, you can't reverse the filing. I don't know if you filed yet, but judges will typically only let you dismiss a chapter 7 if you pay all of your debt in full.
The bankruptcy forms have specific exclusions for household income where you are married, not filing jointly, and live in separate households. You sign a "declaration of separate households" when you file.
If you make a lot of money, then you are more likely to get your bankruptcy audited.
All in all, it is pretty unlikely that she would be dragged into the bankruptcy.
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