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My Significant other has a 30 year old with Aspbergers. I

 
Dr. Bonnie's Avatar
  • Answered by:Dr. Bonnie
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Customer Question

My Significant other has a 30 year old with Aspbergers. I feel like he is rude and on purpose acting with aggression to me. My significant other says he is incapable of lying and doesn't do these things to me as an act of agression, and is incapable of doing so. Am i being uncaring and should i simply ignor what i see happening? At a lost as what i should do now or how to act?

 

Optional Information:
Person's Gender: Male
Person's Age: 51

Already Tried:
Ignor, try to deal with, etc...Don't want to loose my significant other.

Submitted: 369 days and 5 hours ago.
Category: Autism
Value: $30
Status: CLOSED
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Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 369 days and 5 hours ago.

Hello and thank you for consulting JA,
You are not alone in this confusion. Many women in relationships with men with AS feel exactly this way. Therefore, a term has been coined for you called...Cassandra Affective Disorder. In addition, there are more and more books being published on the subject. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=asperger+relationships+and+marriage

It is true that he cannot help his behavior (for long anyway). But you are not being uncaring as you too are only human. If you were uncaring you would not be looking here for answers. Since you do not want to lose him, you may have to learn to change the way you think about his behaviors. If you think of it an involuntary and not meant to be personal, that might help.

But it is a very complicated situation and I highly recommend that you look at one of the books that seems to apply to learn more about what it is like to be him. Here's a website on the Cassandra DO too.

http://www.asperger-marriage.info/cadd.html

I hope this was helpful and all the best to you,

Customer replied 369 days and 5 hours ago.

Why do u assume i am a female? I assure u i am not. My gender is male, as is stated in the optional info? I understand it is hard to give an answer to this over the inyernet, but you really missed the mark.

 

Chris

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Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 369 days and 5 hours ago.

You are correct....I was picturing you as female talking about a 51 year old male SO. I am so sorry if I offended you. I really try to be more sensitive than this...I read over the question far too fast....a lesson learned for me.

Can we start over??? If so, need clarification:

My SO has a 30 year old (child) or is a 30 year old.....?

I would love to be able to make amends and help you out....Dr. Bonnie41001.7942616088

 
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