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Hello and thank you for your question.
Defamation is generally an available basis for suiing your wife IF she says things that are false about you or misrepresents the truth in a way which damages your reputation.
If she only tells the truth then you cannot sue her for damages. That said, most people when they want to malign your reputation, even when there is some truthful basis, will often go beyond what is true and if that happens they can still be liable for defamation.
To sue for defamation you will realistically need to engage a lawyer to assist you, so should your ex persist it would be worthwhile seeing a lawyer and fully briefing them.
It is also true that such a demand could amount to extortion or blackmail, though only a fully briefed lawyer can give you a firm answer as to whether that would apply in your situation. It is also possible you could take your complaint to the police who may form their own view as to whether an offence is being committed and may take action against your ex if appropriate.
Good luck and please rate my answer.