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Can you tell me which state you are in please?
Have you considered making a claim under the Family Provision Act. Life tenancies are not considered fair and equitable on the partner left behind after such a long relationship.
You might consider making an appointment with a solicitor who could advise you on your specific circumstances. But my experience with life tenancies is that the Courts are more than willing to overturn these types of bequests, which is not really a bequest at all, but rather a right of residence and you still have to pay for all the maintenance. Then the boys will take the benefit. It is not fair and you should consider seeking the consent of the boys to put the house in your name.
Can I assume that you would leave your estate to the boys or do you have children of your own?
What about all the other properties he owned and you contributed to?
You should seriously speaking with a solicitor about contesting the will. It is unfair that you are restricted like this. What if you need to sell the house later to pay for nursing home care, for example? What your de facto's will means is that if you sell the house, you get nothing. How is that fair?
You would need to give up your role as executor but that would not be difficult. Please seek legal advice. Any legal costs for a family provision claim comes out of the estate so your current financial circumstances do not come into it. Also, the whole estate would need to be considered, so any properties, even if in his name only, form part of his estate. You are entitlted to claim against all of his estate.
I strongly recommend you get legal advice Margaret. It is not right that you should have to worry about how you are going to survive when you have been in a relationship with this person for 21 years and have made contributions to the value of his estate.